I really wish I had a dream

It's a new dawn, it's a new day...

2011-11-17T21:58:00.000Z

I know I'm always going to have to think about what I eat in order to maintain a 'happy' weight. I had a lot of success and lost nearly 3 stone with Lighter Life as has been much documented on this very blog. Since reaching my lowest weight in May last year I have gained and lost the same stone and a bit quite a few times. I know I'm always full of grand plans but this time I've got a new one and it's really really simple...

Eat Better
Eat Less
Move More

I don't want to be 'on a diet' again because at some point that 'diet' has to end and that's when the weight goes back on. So the new plan is pretty straight forward and hopefully sustainable in the long run. On a day to day basis I (and the boy) are cutting down our portion sizes, with the aid of smaller plates, but if we're going out for a meal, or really fancy a pizza or some chocolate, then we'll have it but just not every week.

And as for the moving more - I am almost at the end of my third week of Fitness Bootcamp. It's just half an hour of exercise, four times a week, outside in the cold and dark of a Scottish winter and it's hard going, but bloody hell it works! After the first two days I could barely walk, I even had to use the lift at school because walking up and down stairs was so painful. But by the end of the first week most of the muscle pain had gone and now I'm just getting fitter and the pounds and inches are dropping off me.

It's not like one of those military fitness camps with lots of running and shouty drill sergeants either. Brian, the trainer is a very encouraging Geordie man who just shouts things like 'good squats', 'keep going' and 'nearly there' even when you've still got another 30 seconds of thigh burning squat hold to go. It is really hard while you're doing it but the half hour is over before you know it. On a Tuesday I've even been managing to go to the 6.15am(!) workout because my Spanish class means I can't go to the evening one. And for a person renowned for her dislike of mornings (early or otherwise) that's not bad going.

Anyway, each camp runs for 4 weeks (with a free taster week before that) so I've got another 2 weeks to go of this one. I'm not sure what'll happen over Christmas but I'm planning on going back in the New Year so I'm in tip top shape for the wedding in April. The other good thing about it is that once you've been going for a while and know the exercises there's nothing to stop you doing it in your living room - although I imagine I will be slightly less motivated without a Geordie man shouting encouragement at me. Still I really hope I can stick with these recent changes and that this really is the beginning of a new life. I'm certainly feeling good.

Return of the blog..

2011-10-25T12:37:00.001+01:00

I've just had a look back and it turns out I haven't written a blog since the 19th July - that's bloody ages ago! And it's not that nothing has happened, or that I've been overly busy (I spent a LOT of time this summer watching reruns of ER and playing Bejeweled on my phone) more that I've just been a bit of a lazy arse. But I've also been quieter online in general in the last few months, I guess it's partly to do with the fact I now have a real person at home to talk to about my woes (and happinesses) so I don't feel quite the same pressing need to share them with the internet.

However, I feel an update is somewhat overdue. I had a busy summer which included a camping trip to the Lake District, moving house (and several trips to IKEA), selling my old flat, a few outings to the Edinburgh Festival (including a visit by my brother and his wife), and plenty of wedding planning.

Despite my best efforts I hadn't managed to get a teaching job by the start of the Scottish school year in mid-August, and after a bit of procrastinating I finally bit the bullet and took a temporary job with Lloyds (back in the same building I used to work when it was HBoS) and started on the 30th August. To be honest, as much as I wanted a teaching job I was pretty glad of the extra two weeks holiday! Anyway, on the same day I started work with the bank I got a text from a teacher I worked with last year saying she had heard a school five minutes from our new house was looking for a French teacher. So the next day I called the head of department and it turned out one of the deputy heads at the school had been on the interview panel for my council interview back in April. He was happy to take me on. This was confirmed at 4pm on the Friday of my first week at the bank and I never went back. I did feel a bit guilty because I never would have taken the job if I'd have know it would only be for 4 days - and those 4 days would be spent training for a job I'd never do but you just can't predict these things. So the following Monday I started at my new school. I've settled in well and I feel much less stressed about teaching than I did last year (I know everyone told me it'd get easier but that wasn't always so easy to believe!).

But, and here's the rub, I might have won the battle for a job but I've not yet won the war... I have been initially employed on a temporary contract until 25th November, even though the school need someone until at least the summer holidays. In previous years I could have been employed on a long term supply basis and no more would need to be done. However, apparently the rules have changed and if a teacher is employed at the same school for more than 5 days they must be given a temporary contract (which is essentially a good thing), but because I haven't filled a pre-existing position but one which was created this year, the position has to be advertised. I can then apply for the job I'm already doing (and which I've been told I'm doing well) and hope that I'm better than anyone else who might apply.

Anyway, there's very little I can do about it other than keep doing the best job I can, continue to make a good impression and then apply for the job when it's advertised and hope that I've impressed enough to keep the job.

All in all though I'm glad to be back in school and I was particularly glad of the two week half-term holiday I've just had (a very enjoyable week of which was spent on a SAGA holiday in Majorca...but that's another story!).

On top of all that it's only 5 and a half months until the wedding (eeep!). We've now also booked a band, who shall remain a surprise but who are super ace. I've just ordered the bridesmaid dress, and fittings for my own dress should be starting soon. AND I've found an amazing online shoemaker who can custom make shoes to exactly match the colour of the bridesmaid dress...they are quite expensive but I reckon I'm going to treat myself.

And lastly, the new house is awesome. I often just sit and look around and I can't believe it's my house, that I bought with my husband-to-be and that it's all ours. How life has changed in the last 18 months...and in the words of McDonalds(?!) 'I'm lovin' it!'

Cupcake Perfection

2011-07-19T21:06:00.000+01:00

I've know for ages that I was going to have a cupcake tower rather than a traditional wedding cake...in fact I've know about the cupcakes for much longer than I've actually known I was going to get married. I've never liked wedding cake (or Christmas cake for that matter). The worst part is the marzipan, but even if it's made without I don't really like the cake. The only good bit is the icing. If my brother happens to be around we have pretty good deal going on - seeing as I don't like the cake and he doesn't like the icing we split a piece into its constituent parts and everyone is happy. We're like the Williamson family's own cake-based Jack Spratt and his wife.

Anyway, I have been taking my mission to find the perfect cupcake quite seriously over the last few years. I started off posh with 4 cupcakes from Lola's at Selfridges. That was about 2 years ago and to be honest I can't remember that much about them apart from that they were tasty (and expensive).

Fast forward a year or so and on another trip to London I made the pilgrimage to the Primrose Bakery and bought another 4 cupcakes. I do remember the Malted Marshmallow which had a particularly sticky buttercream. I'm fairly sure there was something chocolatey and perhaps a lemon one in there. I'm not entirely sure as I ate two of them for lunch and demolished the other two in rapid succession when I came in drunk from the pub. Again, they were tasty, and this time a bit more reasonably priced but London is a long way to go for a cupcake. And if I'm being truthful, when in London I'd rather indulge in a Krispy Kreme doughnut which I've yet to find on sale in Scotland.

My next significant cupcake experience came a little closer to home from the Sweet Tooth Cupcakery in Manchester. On one of my visits to see the boy before he moved up here we visited this place (which I think I had read about somewhere when carrying out cupcake research). Again we bought 4 cupcakes (there are always too many to choose from just to have one each) and my favourite thing about this cupcakery is definitely the delightfully named cakes. All the cupcakes are named after film and TV stars and characters - there's the Mrs Slocombe , the David Niven, the Rocky, and I seem to remember a Mae West in there somewhere. I carefully carried our box of cupcakes home to Altrincham....where the boy managed to knock the box out of my hands in the supermarket five minutes from home. Still the cupcakes were slightly squished...this didn't stop the buttercream from being delicious but unfortunately these cakes (and I've been back since to make sure) are let down by their quite dry and uninspiring cake beneath all that lovely icing.

[I've also just noticed that the Oldham Street shop we went to is now closed although they are still operating from the Chorlton shop.]

Now all these tastings were before I even got engaged but since then my research has felt much more serious (and gives me even more of an excuse to eat cupcakes as if one were needed!). So a few weeks ago on a day out in St Andrews we visited Bibi's Bakery. There was a great choice of cupcakes but we managed to narrow it down to four again. I had a Chocolate Marshmallow and a Malteser while the boy had a Cappuccino and a Oreo Cookies and cream flavour. And they were all bloody lovely. The cakes were moist and tasty and they were topped with just the right amount of buttercream and decorations. My only criticism would be that the Malteser cupcake had actual maltesers baked into the top of the cake and I don't think it quite worked. Bibi's have another shop in Edinburgh and I'm already trying to work out when I can pay them a visit. What I also like about Bibi's is that they have provided recipes on their website - and I can confirm the vanilla cake and buttercream recipes work a treat! We are hoping to go to the St Andrews shop for a cupcake decorating workshop as part of my hen weekend which I'm really looking forward to. I'm pretty good at baking and my cakes always taste great (well I think they do and everyone else seems to agree) but my piping skills still leave a lot to be desired. I would love to make my own cupcakes for the wedding in fact but because they have to be super fresh I think baking and decorating 90 cupcakes the day before getting married might be a bit too much to ask.

The need for freshness also rules out Bibi's for the wedding itself too especially as we are getting married on Easter Saturday and would have to collect the cakes ourselves possibly two days before. Which brings us to the next purveyor of cupcakes The Little House of Cupcakes

Of course, even if I do decide to order from The Little House of Cupcakes that isn't going to mean an end to my research...we still need to decide on flavours and that's going to involve a lot of tasting. (Plus, there's a shop in Manchester called And The Dish Ran Away With the Spoon which I really want to try just because it sounds cool.)

I found it!

2011-06-19T23:16:00.003+01:00

This whole getting married business is very exciting, and despite my best efforts not to, quite frankly I'm a bit obsessed. I browse marriage blogs daily (Love My Dress is a big favourite) and buying wedding magazines is becoming a bit of an expensive, and entirely unnecessary, habit. If I included every cool or quirky idea I've seen my own wedding will end up being a cluttered mish-mash and everything will be lost in the chaos. Not to mention costing a small fortune. So I'm trying to reign in my imagination, I'm collecting ideas and hopefully as the months pass (only 9 and a half months to go!) I'll be able to pick out the best, and most achievable ones.

All that said, one thing has already been decided. Yesterday I bought a wedding dress! A few weeks ago I went on my first dress shopping expedition. Along with my mum and bridesmaid Claire I went to two dress shops whilst at home in Blackpool. Although I found a couple of dresses I quite liked the selection was pretty uninspiring. There are so many similar dresses that it feels like everything is just a variation on a theme. I had no real idea what I was looking for but I knew that these dresses weren't it. In all my wedding research I've been drawn to the vintage style weddings. You know the thing - floral tea cups, retro sweeties, VW campervans and candy coloured cupcakes. It will come as no surprise to those who know me that we aren't having a church wedding and we're just after something a bit more informal...

So, I knew I wasn't going to settle for one of these off the peg dresses before I'd investigated some vintage possibilities. Which is how Claire and I found ourselves heading down an alley off Argyle Street in Glasgow yesterday to find Dragonfly Dress Design. We were quite early for our 11am appointment and so were delighted to discover the Hidden Lane Tearoom and had plenty of time for tea, and cakes too of course!

We managed to find Lisa's studio through the winding corridor of a bright yellow painted building and in her tiny studio where she not only sells and reworks vintage dresses but also makes bespoke creations I found what I was looking for. Or rather, and here's the magic part, I found what I was almost looking for. And after some discussion with Lisa she explained exactly how she'll be able to turn my original 1950s wedding dress into exactly what I'm looking for. Obviously I'm not going to give too much away here but by completely removing, recutting and rebuilding the top of dress before putting it all back together again I'm going to get the dress of my dreams. And what makes it even more exciting is that it's a dress that no-one else will ever have had. I'd love some way to find out who wore the dress originally and what their wedding day was like, but even though the dress belonged to someone else and has seen one wedding already, by the time Lisa has finished working her magic it's most definitely going to be MY dress.

Anyway, that'll have to do for now. It's a school night and it's past my bed time. I'm counting down the days until the summer holidays (only 10 school days to go). I can't wait for the last day of term to get here...despite the fact that it means I'll be unemployed. On that note however, I've got two more applications in the pipeline at the moment so we'll have to wait and see if I get anywhere with those - fingers crossed please, dear readers!

Swings and Roundabouts

2011-06-12T21:55:00.000+01:00

Right. It may have come to your attention (or rather it probably hasn't) but I haven't written a blog for absolutely bloody ages. And it's definitely not because nothing has been happening - life certainly is progressing full steam ahead round these parts of late...

Just over two months ago the lovely lovely boy asked me if I would marry him. It wasn't entirely a surprise but I had no idea he was going to ask when he did. Of course I said yes and seeing as it was the school holidays at the time I spent pretty much every waking hour looking at wedding websites and had a date set and venue booked within 2 weeks! So almost a year to the day after we got engaged we'll be getting married at a lovely hotel in the Lake District. Preparations are continuing apace - I've even done some dress shopping although I don't think I've found 'the one' yet.

As if getting engaged wasn't exciting enough, a week later we also decided to buy a house. My flat wasn't even on the market but it was a bargain and exactly what we wanted so we just decided to go for it. Unfortunately the housing market isn't working quite so much in our favour as far as selling the flat goes but hopefully we won't be stuck with it for too long. If it comes to it we can always rent it out but I'm kind of hoping it's not going to come to that. The one benefit to the fact that it's looking very unlikely we'll sell the flat before we get the new house is that at least we aren't under any pressure to move everything on one day. We're moving during the summer holidays which will make things easier. And speaking of school holidays we come to the less positive aspect of life at the moment...

I am now just three weeks away from completing my probation year as a teacher and I have achieved everything I need to to become a fully registered teacher. I am lucky that I live in Scotland where the government runs a teacher induction scheme which guarantees a teaching post for everyone who successfully completes a teacher training course. However, what the government doesn't seem to have is any sort of plan as to what will happen to these teachers after they have completed their probation year. Quite simply there are far more jobs than teachers. In these current tough economic times teachers aren't taking early retirement at the rate that was predicted and over the last 5 years or so the government vastly over-estimated the number of teachers the country would need and so allowed many more people on to PGDE and B.Ed courses than was needed.

For me the problem is compounded by the fact that in recent years many schools have taken the decision to allow pupils to stop studying a modern language after two years of secondary school, further reducing demand for language teachers. This means that some schools have teachers who are now surplus to the needs of their school but as the council has employed them on a permanent contract they are obliged to find them a job elsewhere. This leads to teachers on temporary contracts finding themselves without a job as they are replaced teachers on permanent contracts subject to a compulsory transfers.

On top of all this Spanish is rapidly overtaking French as the language of choice in Scottish secondary schools and although I've been learning Spanish myself since February I'm certainly not going to be in any position to teach it for a good few years yet. What all this means, for me and for many other probationers, is that I am three weeks away from being a fully qualified, unemployed, teacher. The last time I wrote a blog I had just submitted my application for a permanent post to the council. I had an interview towards the end of April and then after a long wait I finally found out this week that although my application was successful there is a 'lack of appropriate vacancies'. I am able to sign up for the supply teaching list but that's certainly no guarantee of regular work or indeed any work at all. I'm going to keep looking, the councils round about are advertising new vacancies almost daily and I just have to hope that something suitable will come up - and that I can beat all the other people out there looking for jobs.

But the simple fact remains that if it comes to the start of the school year here in August and I still haven't managed to find a teaching job then I'm just going to have to get a job doing something else. With a up coming wedding and a new house I just can't afford not to work. Which sucks. And above all it just seems like a big fat waste of my time, the time of my university lecturers and the time of the great teachers who have supported me through the last year. Not to mention the cost to the Scottish government of training all these teachers who are possibly never going to teach in Scottish schools. It's a bloody crazy state of affairs. And one that I have been stupid enough to put myself in the middle of.

No hablo español

2011-03-13T16:58:00.000Z

Four weeks ago I started attending a Spanish class at a local college. It's something I've been wanting to do for a while and the eventual goal is that I can qualify to teach Spanish in addition to French and thus dramatically increase the number of job opportunities available to me.

As it is, I didn't know any Spanish at all beyond 'Dos cervezas por favor' and '¿Dónde está la estación?' (which is the one sentence I can say in four different languages, although I won't necessarily be able to follow the directions I'm given) before I embarked on this 'Spanish for Improvers' course. I just figured that being a fluent French speaker I would be able to pick up the new language pretty quickly and so far I've been right.

Being a evening class at a local college the students are quite a varied collection...

There's me of course, then three women probably in their 50s, who have all done a bit of Spanish before and keep up quite happily. There's a guy who's a similar age to me who only seems to make it to every other class but manages OK when he is there. Then there's a young couple, maybe in their early 20s. The boy has never done any Spanish before and is struggling a bit to keep up. Whereas his girlfriend, who has some sort of Eastern European accent so is learning at least her third language if not more, gets things pretty quickly. She's done a beginner's class and so is always whispering to her boyfriend so he doesn't get too lost with what's going on. Then come the interesting characters who keep me amused throughout the 2 hour lessons; there's the incredibly fey young man who is so softly spoken you can barely hear what he says, he's got the Spanish lisp down to a T though. He's done some Spanish before and so always tries to make things more complicated than they need to be and invariably gets it wrong. There's another lady in her late-40s who lived in Spain for a while so knows a bit of Spanish but then doesn't seem to get the simplest of things. She constantly questions the teacher as if, as a native Spanish speaker, she is going to get things wrong. Finally there are two wide-boy wheeler-dealers, one of whom has been living in Tenerife for two years, the other living in Northern Spain - you would think they would have learnt Spanish before moving there but it seems not. They both know a bit of the language already, but not much, and are constantly telling the teacher 'oh, we didn't say it like that where I lived'. All in all a pretty motley crew who manage to unwittingly entertain me. Especially when they are struggling with Spanish numbers and translate a sentence as 'There are 70 minutes in an hour' - I mean seriously, even if you don't know any numbers surely you could get that right!

I'm enjoying it anyway and it's getting me one step closer to being able to teach Spanish as well as French so I'm not complaining. Getting a job is certainly on my mind at the moment as I'm heading rapidly towards the end of my probation year. I've just submitted my application for a permanent post to the council I work for now but there's a long way to go before I'll find out if I've actually got a job. As an probationer already working for the council I'm guaranteed an interview, which I know is going to happen in sometime in the last two weeks of April. Then I'll have to wait about a month before I find out one of three possible outcomes; either, based on my application form, interview and references, I will be successful and will be offered hopefully a permanent, but possible a temporary job. Secondly, I could be successful in meeting the criteria for employment but not offered a post, in which case I will be given the opportunity to join the supply list, or finally, I could be unsuccessful in my application. The problem is, as in many councils in both Scotland and the rest of the UK, there are more teachers than there are jobs. After the interviews, all the teachers who have applied for a job teaching French will be ranked using the interview, application form and references. Then if there are six applicants and only three jobs then the top three in the ranking will be offered the posts first. But these positions are open for anyone to apply for, so not only I'm I competing against the other French probationers, I'm also up against anyone already working in for the council who is on a temporary contract and is looking for a permanent one, anyone on part time hours looking to change to full time, and any teachers in the whole UK looking for a teaching post in this area. Oh yes, and then there are those teachers already working in Fife on permanent contracts who are surplus to requirements in their current school who must be given a job in another school by way of a compulsory transfer.... So, to be fair I'm not that hopeful of getting a permanent, full time job here. There are a couple of advantages I have though; there will definitely be a full time temporary post at my current school as one of the other teachers is going on maternity leave. And, my head of department has written me a glowing reference and seems eager to have me back next year - and if she has said that then the headteacher will have said it in his reference too because he's basically going to be rewording the one my head of department wrote, and rumour has it that you're a lot more likely to get a job if your headteacher is keen to keep you at the school. So fingers crossed eh?

Of course, I'm not putting all my proverbial eggs in just one council's basket. I'm lucky in that my central location is ideally placed to reach another four or five councils without too epic a commute. To be honest though, despite thinking six months ago when I found out which school I would be working at this year that I would be dying to get away by the summer, I'd actually be really happy to stay there if I can. I fit in well in the department, I'm getting to know more and more people in the school and there are a few kids that I'm starting to feel I'm getting through to. It would be a shame to have to go and start that process all over again in August. That said, if I get a job at all I'll be pretty bloody happy!

Teaching is still incredibly hard work and there are still days when I just don't know what to do to try and get the kids to stop talking for two minutes and concentrate (if anyone has seen Jamie's Dream School on Channel 4, some of my kids really do behave like that, even the younger ones who are only 12 or 13) but it is getting a bit easier and I've been feeling a lot more motivated in the last few weeks. It's only three weeks to the Easter Holidays, followed by three four-day weeks and seeing as we break up for the summer on the 1st July I'm sure this probation year will be over before I know it. Everyone keeps telling me things get easier in your second year....they better bloody be right!

Holy crapballs Batman!

2011-02-11T14:57:00.002Z

I've already written this blog once, but I made the stupid mistake of doing it on my phone late last night using the crappest blogging app out there - Blogpress. I should have known better, I've been stung by Blogpress before. Oh sure, it acts all nice and pally, like it's your best friend and would never do anything to hurt you, then before you know it instead of publishing your blog like it said it has done, it's just sent it off into the ether never to be seen again. I imagine my blog is currently shooting around inside the cables of the internet, like the time travelling bits in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. According to the Blogpress feature list it does 'Support Draft Auto Saving: saving writing text every minute to iTunes shared document folder, easy to recover if app quit abnormally'. So even if we ignore the badly written English for a moment, it would seem the app developers have a different definition of 'easy'. For me, having to boot up my netbook, sync my phone to iTunes only to discover that all that's saved is a blank text file, isn't exactly 'easy'. Especially not at half past midnight when I should have been asleep.

But I didn't come to tell you about that, I came to tell you about the big moving in day.

Last night was the last night I'm going to spend alone for a long time, for the foreseeable future, or at least until the boy goes for his first visit back to Manchester without me. Rest assured I made the most of it by star-fishing myself across as much of the bed as I could manage. I still can't quite believe it's happening to be honest. Even though in a few hours the boy will be setting off from Manchester and will turn up tonight with a van full of stuff, I can still see me turning to him on Sunday and absentmindedly asking 'So what time is your train home?'. I know it's going to take a while to get used to living together full time after six months of only weekends and holidays. I know it's going to take a while to establish our own domestic routine. It's going to be a bit of a squeeze in my wee flat until we can put the master plan in action and hopefully buy a house in the summer, but for now it'll do just fine. To paraphrase Han Solo: I've got a good feeling about this.

And finally, in a brief update of other news…

School is still really hard work. I had two days off this week with some sort of coldy/fluey/buggy thing which basically manifested itself as exhaustion and a really really bad headache. But I'm back now, and next week I get two days off in what passes for half term around these parts. The kids are still badly behaved and sometimes I still don't know what to do about it, but I spoke to my mentor and some of the other teachers and I know I've got the support out there that I need. I'm still not enjoying myself a great deal but I haven't cried in over two weeks and I don't feel as overwhelmed by it all as I did a few weeks ago. So things are improving, slowly.
The weight loss/management is going fairly well. I managed to lose the weight I put on over Christmas and my weight has been fairly stable since then. I've been doing a lot more exercise since Christmas (well until the last week when I've been ill) and I've been eating sensibly too (again until the last week when I've had a bit of an illness and PMT fuelled chocolate meltdown). But I'm doing OK. I'm not beating myself up about what I've eaten. I've done it now so there's no use worrying. And as long as my one pair of size 10 jeans still fit me, I'm happy. I'm just hoping that my efforts to demonstrate my domestic godessness to the boy (starting with baking oat & raisin cookies tonight) doesn't send us both to hell in a handcart.

And really that's it. That's where I'm at right now. I'm looking forward to lots of weekends at home, not having to spend 9 hours of my weekend on a train, and generally just getting used to my new life of domestic bliss.

(Don't worry I'm sure I'll be back in a few weeks ranting about the lights being left on, wet towels on the bed and someone never remembering to buy milk.)

Life is a roller coaster

2011-01-23T19:54:00.000Z

Don't panic, this isn't going to be a tribute to the back catalogue of Ronan Keating, more a quick life update since I've been quiet on the blog front again of late. All systems are go for my imminent life of living in sin; in Manchester boxes are being packed, junk is being thrown away and leaving parties are happening, and here? Well, here I've done a bit of measuring of rooms and looking at where I might move furniture about....and that's about it. But I promise I'll do my bit of carrying boxes and unpacking when the time comes in a few weeks.

As well as the upcoming move, the New Year has also found me back on the weight loss wagon and hopefully now only a couple more weeks away from my happy weight again. And when I get there I'll have another attempt at maintaining that weight. I know it's never going to be easy, and I've not been as successful as I would've hoped in the past, but every time I do it I figure it out a bit more, and get a few more tricks up my sleeve to stop the weight creeping back on. I'm hoping this time that having the boy here will help, that we'll encourage each other to make healthy, sensible decisions about what we eat rather than encouraging each other to indulge in the things we would do better to avoid. I reckon that having to think about what someone else is eating, and perhaps being a bit more accountable for what I eat will mean I can find an equilibrium where I'm neither putting weight on, or having to lose it. I do know one thing for sure, if the weight does start coming back I'm in a place now where I'm much quicker to react. Because there is no way that I ever want to be in a position where I need to lose 3 stone again.

Along with the more sensible eating this year, I've also started doing some exercise again. I've gone back to my dance class for the first time in about 6 months, and started doing Zumba again. Last week I did an hour's dance class followed immediately by an hour of Zumba - I did actually think I might collapse at one point, and the next day climbing the stairs was a struggle but I was so glad I did it. When you aren't doing it regularly, it's easy to forget how much fun exercise can be and how much better you feel for doing it. I've even gone as far as getting my step machine out from under the bed and I've been doing at least half an hour on the nights I haven't been going out to exercise. How long it'll last is anybody's guess but for now I'm making the most of my renewed enthusiasm.

So as far as my personal life goes, I can't remember a time when I was this happy before. Everything is going my way. So why is life a roller coaster? From what I've just said my roller coaster is only on the long climb up. But along with all the happiness, there's a lot of stress in my life at the moment too.

My job has been particularly difficult for the last few weeks, I'm struggling with discipline in the classroom and spending half my day shouting at kids is taking its toll. I'd love not to have to shout but sometime it seems that it's the only thing that works. On top of spending more time in a lesson trying to get the kids to listen, pay attention and do some work than I do actually teaching, we're heading into a busy time of year full of assessments and reports and parents evenings.....and there are times when I'm seriously questioning if I made the right decision, whether I can cope with the rest of this year let alone a whole career in teaching. Working at the bank was boring for sure, and it wasn't really taking me anywhere but at least at least it didn't make me cry almost every day. I mean surely no job should make you feel so bad that on the drive into work you wonder how badly you would need to crash your car so you could get a few weeks off work but not be seriously injured. That's just not right. And yet that's what I find myself thinking on almost every journey.

I'm really hoping things start to improve soon. Hopefully having someone to come home to every night will make things easier. And according to one of the teachers at school the kids behaviour has been so bad lately because of the full moon - surely that's bollocks but at this point I'm willing to believe almost anything if it'll make things easier. I also know I should ask for help, or at least speak to someone at school about how I'm feeling. My problem is that I've always hated admitting that I can't do something, or that I'm not doing as well as it as I think I should be. Asking for help feels like admitting I've failed, but I can't carry on like this, my emotions are all over the place and I need to try and find a balance from somewhere before I meltdown completely.

I'm not sure that actually publishing all this in a blog is really the best idea, I'm still wary that someone from school; a pupil, a parent or a colleague might find it. A quick Google check would seem to indicate that is quite unlikely, and so, because writing this helps, I'm going to press the Publish Post button and try and remind myself that tomorrow is another day.

#reverb10 - Day 22

2010-12-22T21:13:00.000Z

December 22 – Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

(Author: Tara Hunt)

Regular readers will already know about the travelling I have done this year, both up and down the country to see the boy, and the big trip of the year (well, of the last 10 years really) to America in the summer. If you fancy reading about my adventures in the USA you can do it here, here, here and here.

As for 2011, I'm looking forward to NOT having to travel to see the boy any more, and hopefully we'll be able to travel some more to other places now we won't have to spend the time travelling to see each other. I hope we get chance to see some more of Scotland - I've lived there for over 7 years now and there's still so much of it I've never seen, especially the Highlands and islands. And now we're going to be pooling our resources and not having any where near as much going out, I'm hoping there might be some bigger trips on the horizon too - though to where, who knows?

I love travelling and the trip to America this year really made me realise how much. Now I'm a teacher I certainly get plenty of time off to indulge my love, the only downside is that time off has to, by definition, be in the school holidays which isn't always ideal. Still, after going from a pretty standard 22 days holiday at the bank, I now get 13 weeks and I'm really not complaining!

#reverb10 - Day 21

2010-12-21T21:40:00.000Z

December 21 – Future Self.

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

(Author: Jenny Blake)

This is a bit spooky - two days ago I tweeted this:

"I was having a browse of my old blogs in the spirit of #reverb10 reflection. I found this that I forgot I even wrote http://bit.ly/alcjAm. I only wrote it 6 months ago but it's got stuff in that I already need reminding of."

That link is to a blog post I wrote in May with the title "A letter to a future me". And six months later I would stick with what I said back in May. The only thing I would add (seeing as I wrote that original post just before I met the boy) is this...

Remember what it felt like in the first few months of your relationship - remember how hard it was to be apart from him, and never take him for granted now you get to see him every day. Even if you're having a hard day, even if he's left the wet towel in a heap on the floor (although you should have him well trained out of that by now!), or he's being grumpy after a tough day at work then just remember how lucky you were to have met him. Give him a hug and remember tomorrow is always another day.

And if I were to give my 22 year old self some advice?

Give up smoking now - you'll be healthier for it, you won't waste a whole heap of money, and no matter what you think, it isn't helping you stay thin.

Don't get involved with anyone who is already in a relationship - it'll only end in (your) tears.

Don't let yourself get so fat you hate yourself for it. Chocolate isn't the answer, it's the problem. Sort out your eating habits now, it'll be much harder when you've got 3st to lose.

If you insist on drinking 3 bottles of wine, you WILL be hungover to the point of being unable to move for at least 36 hours after.

Don't worry about whether you'll ever find someone to love - people really are telling the truth when they say you'll find it when you least expect it. On that note - don't bother with internet dating...it's not worth the time, the effort or the money.

And lastly - when you have a day off and go to the pool in the Dordogne in 2003, remember to put sun cream on your feet as well as your legs. It will save you a whole lot of pain and the embarrassment of spending several nights in the bar standing in a bucket of iced water.

#reverb10 - Day 20

2010-12-20T21:47:00.000Z

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

(Author: Jake Nickell)

Right, so here's the thing...it's 20 days into this Reverb10 thing, and although I'm enjoying writing every day, I'm getting a bit bored of what I'm writing. And if I'm getting bored then I'm pretty sure you are too.

I was really eager to do this challenge, and I haven't been finding that difficult to write every day, but I find I am joining the ranks of those increasingly disillusioned with the repetitive posts that the prompts are, well, prompting. I'm tempted to call it a day as Shauna and several of the commenters on her blog have done (and as have many people, if the #reverb10 Twitter feed is anything to go by) for many of the same reasons. I'm guessing that the prompt authors weren't aware of what the others were writing, and so quite a lot of the prompts have turned out to be quite similar (and equally wanky!).

I don't think I'm ready to throw in the towel just yet though...to be honest I reckon it would be fairly unlikely that I would manage to keep up these daily posts much beyond tomorrow anyway - on Wednesday I head for Manchester then Blackpool for Christmas festivities and I won't be back here until Hogmanay; as the locals would have it.

So that said, I'm going to attempt to answer this prompt somehow, see what tomorrow throws up, and take it from there.

Well then, what have I been avoiding in 2010? Exercise definitely - certainly in the latter months of the year at least. Will I do it in 2011? Yes, at least that's the plan.

Anything else? Nope, not really - well nothing more than cleaning my flat as often as I should, or mowing the lawn anyways. Will I be doing those things in 2011? Hopefully not, not with out some help at least...

Because, here comes the exciting news of this post...

The boy got a job in Edinburgh!! He handed in his notice at work today and will be moving up here in February, to live with me, and to mow the lawn! This really is awesome news. No more trains, no more hours on the phone, no more fecking long distance relationship. This move was always on the cards (either this or I would've moved to Manchester anyway) but it has come along sooner than we expected thanks to a job opportunity that was too good to pass up, and the fact that we were getting sick of the travelling and, seeing as we knew we wanted to live together at some point it seemed stupid to wait if we didn't need to.

So there we go, another couple of months and I'll be living in sin. Just like I always wanted!

#reverb10 - Day 19

2010-12-19T11:13:00.000Z

December 19 – Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

(Author: Leoni Allan)

Errm. Nope. Nu-uh. Sorry #reverb10 folks but this one is a step too far into the airy-fairy, new-agey wankfest for me.

You heal when you are ill or injured - and barring a couple of colds and some weird virus and/or infection in May and a subsequent allergic reaction to antibiotics that made me look like a slightly less deformed Elephant Man - I've been neither. And for that I am grateful. Let's save the healing for the people who are ill shall we?

#reverb10 - Day 18

2010-12-18T18:35:00.000Z

December 18 – Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

(Author: Kaileen Elise)

Next year I want to try maintaining a weight that I'm happy with and for once in my life get away from the ups and downs of yo-yo dieting. I tried doing it in 2010 (and some of 2009 as well) and although I managed to lose 3 stone all together I didn't manage to maintain that weight loss through the rest of the year...but I've started trying to do something about it and the needle on the scales is once again heading in the right direction.

So although I haven't quite got this whole weight thing nailed, I am getting better at it. The gap between the peaks and troughs is getting narrower, and when I find my weight creeping up again I'm faster to act and do something about it. The plan then is for 2011 to be the year I finally conquer my issues with my weight and my relationship with food. Here's hoping!

#reverb10 - Day 17

2010-12-17T21:23:00.000Z

December 17 – Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

(Author: Tara Weaver)

I learnt that no matter how independent I am, and no matter how much I thought I wouldn't mind a life on my own, I have never been happier than I have been in the last 5 months, and I don't want to be on my own again.

#reverb10 - Day 16

2010-12-16T16:11:00.001Z

December 16 – Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

(Author: Martha Mihalick)

I've not got long to write this one (I'm at school waiting for the Christmas Concert later) but I didn't want to miss a day as I seem to be keeping up pretty well at the moment. So...

I can't think of a particular friend that has changed me or my perspective on the world this year in any specific sort of way, but I do know that it would have been a lot harder to get through the last year with out my friends and their support. This was particularly the case when I was on my teaching placements earlier in the year. The placements weren't always easy but my friends were there to help me through it, to listen to my grumbles and to share in my triumphs. This was especially the case for the friends I have got to know through various online, and later real life, means and with whom I usually communicate via Twitter. Those people always seem to be there, whatever the time of day or night with words of encouragement or just a willing ear for my venting.

I like to think I'm not the kind of person who moans and whinges their way through life, and to be honest, people who use Twitter simply to complain about how awful their life is start to get on my nerves pretty quickly. But perhaps by virtue of the fact that I don't moan very often, I always get support from my friends (and often from people I don't even know!) whenever I need it, and I hope I am there to return the favour when it's needed.

#reverb10 - Day 15

2010-12-15T20:36:00.000Z

December 15 – 5 Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

(Author: Patti Digh)

Ooh, I like this one...5 minutes, here goes!

High fives from kids at school.

Passing my PGDE.

Daniel Kitson and Gavin Osborn's Stories for a Starlit Sky, under a starlit sky at Latitude, with some of my best friends.

My trip to America - driving my rented Dodge down the Pacific Coast Highway then along Route 66, milkshakes and massive ice cream at the San Francisco Creamery, pancakes for breakfast, Hollywood Boulevard, Palm Springs heat, The Grand Canyon, Vegas baby! All recounted in daily emails to the boy.

Organising and enjoying the best hen weekend ever.

Being a bridesmaid for the first time.

Weighing less than 10st for the first time in 12 years (even if it only lasted 3 weeks!)

Buying size 10 jeans!

Edinburgh queues.

Stupid Jupiter.

A billion billion stars in the Lake District sky.

Freezing my ass off in a camping pod (who decided camping in October was a good idea?)

Teaching my own classes - even if I do spend half my time moaning about them.

Fish, chips and Illuminations.

And finally - a recent development that is going to change the rest of my life.

It's been a hell of a year (and I cheated - that took 8 minutes!)

#reverb10 - Day 14

2010-12-14T21:29:00.000Z

December 14 – Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

(Author: Victoria Klein)

This is an easy one! The thing (or rather person) that I have come to appreciate most in the past year is the boy. I met him in May, then after two months, and thousands upon thousands of online words, we met again in person...and I knew I was in love.

I appreciate that love, in all the ways it manifests itself; the feel of his hand in mine as we walk down the street, comforting arms around me when I wake from a bad dream on a cold night, the laughter we always seem to find even when we start in the grumpiest of moods, the hours spent on the phone when we're 250 miles apart again, the whispered I love yous, and most of all the fact that now I know there's always someone there for me whenever and whatever I need.

I try to tell him how much he means to me whenever I can, I hope he realises just how much I do appreciate everything he does, everything he is, and just how much he has changed my life.

#reverb10 - Day 13

2010-12-13T20:23:00.000Z

December 13 – Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

(Author: Scott Belsky)

Ever since I first considered really having a go at this teaching business, and realising there are many more job opportunities for those who can teach two languages rather than just one, I have been saying I would learn Spanish 'at some point'. And now I'm half way through my probationary year with the prospect of job hunting only a few short months away, so last week I applied to start a Spanish course in the new year.

It's a course for 'improvers' and even though I've got no previous knowledge of Spanish (beyond 'dos cervezas por favor') I applied safe in the advice of many that being a fluent(-ish) French speaker will make learning another language easy. By May I should have a pretty good basic knowledge of the language and I'm hoping that will increase my prospects of getting a job. I may not be able to teach Spanish myself for another year but there's a big difference between being able to tell a potential employer 'I'm a month in to a Spanish course' rather than 'I'm thinking of learning Spanish some time in the future'.

So that's it, that's my action. And I'm going to put my best efforts into it because I'm doing it for a real purpose - to make myself more employable and ultimately make a better life for myself.

#reverb10 - Day 12

2010-12-12T20:19:00.000Z

December 12 – Body Integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

(Author: Patrick Reynolds)

Huh? Sorry dude but I just can't get with this prompt. I could write a load of stuff about losing weight and how I felt connected with my body in a way I hadn't for years...but I've said all that stuff before, and ultimately despite my promises to myself that I would stay that way, I didn't. I'm still working on connecting my body and mind and at the moment I just don't have anything more to say about it.

So on this one, I pass.

Next question please.

#reverb10 - Day 11

2010-12-12T20:09:00.000Z

December 11 – 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

(Author: Sam Davidson)

I'm a day late with this one, partly because my parentals were visiting this weekend, and partly because when I first read the prompt I was rather lacking inspiration. But, after 24 hours reflection (which I guess is the whole point of this project) and bit of #reverb10 blog browsing I realised I was maybe coming at it from the wrong angle.

When I first read the prompt I immediately took it to literally mean things, physical possessions, I would get rid of. And I haven't really got any possessions I think I need to get rid of. I have pretty regular clear outs to try and make more space in my flat. Sure, I could get rid of a bit more stuff; does anyone really need every issue of Empire magazine from the last seven years? It's not like I'm ever going to look at them again. Am I seriously ever going to use the ice-hockey skates again that haven't since an ice rink since 1993? Probably not, but I don't see any harm in keeping them... in short, I like having all my stuff around me.

But as I say, I had a read of some of the other #reverb10 blogs and realised that the prompt wasn't necessarily talking about physical possessions, but could also be talking about emotions, routines, relationships and all sorts of other things too. I'm going to attempt to make a list of some of these things that I could stand to lose, and that might actually make my life better and/or easier. As I start to write I'm not sure I can come up with 11 so I'm just going to start at number 1 and see where I end up...

#1 Regular readers will be well aware of the literal and metaphorical ups and downs I've gone through with my weight over the last 18 months. In 2011 I'd like to get rid of the extra 10lbs I'm carrying once again...and then leave my worries about my weight behind. It's going to be easier said than done though. Not the losing weight part, that's the easy bit. What is hard is changing the habits of a lifetime and making decisions about food based on long term effects rather than immediate gratification. This one is definitely going to be a work in progress.

#2 I would like to let go of my doubts about whether choosing a career in teaching was the right thing to do. I've done it now, so there's really no point worrying about it. I need to just put my best efforts into it, give it my best shot and if, in a year or two, I'm really not enjoying it then I'll find something else to do instead. Simples.

#3 I'd also like 2011 to be the year I lose my natural inclination to laziness and inactivity. I haven't done any exercise for months now - which is also contributing to the ongoing weight issues. I keep telling myself it was because I'm busy at school, and I'm tired, but that's just excuses. As soon as the holidays are over I'm going to drag my ass back to dance class and I'm going to go as often as I can. And then I'll wonder why I had avoided it so long because it's a whole heap of fun!

#4 Bad TV. I watch too much crap. If there's nothing on TV I actually want to watch then I should follow the advice of 80s kids telly favourite Why Don't You? - And just 'turn off your TV set go out and do something less boring instead'. I think I just use the TV for company at the moment...perhaps this will be replaced by actual real life company in 2011?

#5 I'm all out of ideas for now...but while we're at it, I probably will get rid of those Empire magazines after all....

#reverb10 - Day 10

2010-12-10T22:25:00.000Z

December 10 – Wisdom

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

(Author: Susannah Conway)

The wisest decision I made this year was to conclude that a long distance relationship was definitely worth the effort. That is all.

#reverb10 - Day 9

2010-12-09T20:55:00.001Z

December 9 – Party

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

(Author: Shauna Reid)

I was looking at the Twitter feed on the #reverb10 hashtag earlier and it seems there are an awful lot of people out there who don't go to parties often, if at all. I suppose I'm probably one of them, but this year there have been three parties of note that were all a lot of fun in their own different ways.

The first two were related; firstly my best friend Claire's hen weekend, which I co-organised in a big house in the Scottish Borders. It wasn't too stressful, apart from the snow on the night we had to get there, and everyone who came seemed to have a fabulous time. And the second party was Claire's wedding to Dave, where I got to be a bridesmaid for the first time in my life, saw lots of friends (some of whom I hadn't seen for years), and generally did my best to my bit to make sure Claire and Dave had a day to remember.

Those were both great parties, and definitely ones which will stick in my memory long after 2010 has disappeared over the horizon. But the party I thought of when I read this prompt was a proper, one night only, house party, albeit a very unusual one for me to find myself at. When I was in Las Vegas this summer at TAM8, I managed to hold of the hottest ticket in town - my name on the guest list for the Skepchick's Bordello Party!

The party was held about a mile away from our casino hotel, at a log cabin in the desert. I was looking forward to hanging out with my friends Liza and Bill (who looked spectacular in their bordello costumes!), and I would have been happy just with that. But not only did I get to do that, I got to meet some of my skeptical heroes; Rebecca Watson and her husband, and fellow Brit, Sid Rodrigues, Tracy King (the woman behind the excellent animation of Tim Minchin's 9 minute beat poem Storm), and even DJ Grothe, the president of TAM organisers, the JREF.

And...as if all that wasn't enough, it was a proper American party just like you see in the movies! There was a hand-pumped keg of beer in the cellar, they even had those red and blue cups like they always seem to have. It was just a really fun night, we drank a bit too much, we talked to people we didn't know and generally had about as great a time as you can at a log cabin in the Nevada desert.

So that was the party that rocked my socks off in 2010. As far as I know there aren't any parties booked on to my calendar for 2011...but who knows? I'm hoping there might be another big party heading my way some time soon....

#reverb10 - Day 8

2010-12-08T22:38:00.000Z

December 8 – Beautifully Different.

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

(Author: Karen Walrond)

Man, this self-reflection shit is tough.... What makes me different? Looking back over the last year there is one thing that quite a few people have commented on; and that is my confidence and independence, my free-spirit if you like.

These comments have come in relation to a few different things; firstly my decision to quit my steady, but boring, job in mortgage administration in order to train as a secondary school French teacher (although I made the decision in 2009, it has played a big part in 2010). This was a big decision, and not one I took lightly. It was a decision that I still often question. Brave? Perhaps. But mostly just a desperate plunge into the unknown in order to try and make something worthwhile of my life.

Secondly, and perhaps less life-changingly, a lot of people seemed to think it was very brave and exciting of me to go off for a three week road trip round the south-west USA by myself. And I suppose it was pretty brave, but I don't see it like that. What I see, is something I want to do, something I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity to do, and something that at the time I had no choice but to do on my own if I wanted to do it. I've always been an independent soul though, I remember my friends crying as they bid their families farewell and we headed off on a three week trip to Canada with the Girl Guides - while the 12 year old me gave a cheerful wave goodbye and didn't look back as I walked through the departure gate. At the age of 20 I went to work in France for 10 weeks, without knowing anyone I was going to be living or working with, and I did that time and time again, spending longer and longer away from home each time.

I guess stuff like that just doesn't scare me. It's always a surprise when people tell me they admire what I've done, it just seems normal to me. I think, perhaps, by my example, I have inspired a couple of other people to take a step they wouldn't otherwise have taken. In the future, as my time as a teacher increases, my hope is this; by telling my pupils (many of whom have never even travelled the 30 miles to Edinburgh) about my experiences, about the fun I had and the things I learned, I can inspire them to take a step into the unknown one day. That isn't something that everyone has the opportunity to do, and it's that difference which I hope will maybe, just maybe, influence the decisions that some of these teenagers make.

Does this make me beautiful? I don't know. Self-perception is a funny thing. For the last 5 months I've been lucky enough to have someone to tell me I'm beautiful on the inside and the outside, to tell me every day just how awesome I am. I know that he believes what he is saying, and very occasionally I even start to believe him too.

#reverb10 - Days 1 - 7

2010-12-07T23:33:00.000Z

I was reading a blog by Shauna (a fellow tweeter, blogger and immigrant to Dunfermline) today and what she was doing really piqued my interest. Shauna is taking part (along with around 2650 other people) in #reverb10. This personal challenge lasts for the month of December and it basically provides inspiration for a little 'end of year navel-gazing' to quote my introducer to the project.

Every day (and I realise that starting this on the 7th I'm a bit late to the party) a prompt is published on the #reverb10 website. These prompts have all been provided by published authors and are intended to set you thinking on what has passed in the previous year and what is to come in the year ahead. Participants then record their thoughts however they choose - publicly in a blog or tweet, or privately in a journal or wherever you fancy really.

I've been feeling the need for more blogging but fancied a change from my usual accounts of my recent activities. This has certainly been an interesting year for me (and 2011 promises to be just as life-changing) and a bit of reflection seems like a good idea.

I'm going to try and write my thoughts on the prompts from the first 7 days as briefly as I can in this post and then for the rest of the month do a daily post on each prompt. I'm not promising I'll post every day, or respond to every prompt - but then I don't need to; as it says on the #reverb10 website:

What happens if I don’t answer EVERY prompt?
You are turned into a pumpkin. (Kidding. Answer as many as you want.)

Basically, I'm just going to have a go...

December 1 - One Word.

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

One word? Now that's tricky. I think I'm going to go with Unknown. 2010 was a big year for me. I didn't know how I was going to feel about embarking on a teaching career or even how I would cope with the rest of my PGDE and the first third of my probationary year. I didn't know that I would end up going to America for three weeks by myself and having an amazing time. And I certainly didn't know that half way through the year I would find a man to love, who my some miracle would love me back. So although at the start of 2010 I thought I had a plan, I had no idea things would turn out the way they did. I've still got a ways to go to make it to the end of my probationary year and become a fully registered teacher, hopefully one with a job, but at least now I've got someone by my side to support me all the way.

December 2 - Writing.

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

This is a bit of a random one for me, because I'm not really (or in any sense) a writer. But as it says in the #reverb10 FAQ's: "What if I don’t like a prompt? Believe it or not, it happens! If you don’t like a topic, feel free to change it to suit you." So what I'm going to do here is simply say that I enjoy blogging and I haven't done it for ages. I managed to write a fair few blog posts throughout the year, and I'm glad I managed to keep up a record of my trip to the USA but I'd like to blog more about 'stuff'; ideas and issues, rather than blow by blow accounts of what I've been up to. And hopefully that way, if my blog is stumbled upon by any of my pupils or colleagues then there won't be anything too personal that I don't want them to find.

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

I'm not actually going to do this here - but the moment was at the top of the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway. I wrote a bit about it in my blog at the time if you want to read more. If there was one place on my trip that I could go back to and take the boy with me, this would be it.

December 4 – Wonder.

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

See above! And, I don't want this whole project, challenge, whatever you want to call it, to become a month of me going 'Ooh, I met a boy and now my life is amazing..' But that said, by giving up a little bit of my long-standing independence and sharing my life and a lot of my experiences with someone else, I've started to see wonder in the world, and in my life, where I simply never noticed it before. And it's frickin' awesome!

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

Hmm, there seems to be a pattern here. Again; see above. I gave up a bit of my independence in exchange for the love and support of someone else, and it's increased the fun and laughs and happiness in my life tenfold. Long may it continue.

December 6 – Make.

(Author: Gretchen Rubin)

The last thing I made that wasn't some boring crap for work? With all this snow we've been having, you'd think I'd've made a snowman, but no. Let me think...well, I made a beef stew in the slow cooker last night so I've got a week's worth of delicious, healthy, warming lunches for school this week. But in terms of making something permanent, something I can keep, I can't remember the last thing I made. And that makes me a bit sad. I'm a pretty practical person, I like making stuff but lately there just don't seem to have been enough hours in the day. Perhaps if Bejeweled on my iPhone wasn't sucking time from me like there was no tomorrow then maybe I'd get a bit more done. In fact, next time I'm tempted to pick up the phone for a quick (which usually means at least 30 minute) game, I'm going to reach for my knitting instead. I can finally finish the belt for the cardigan I finished over a year ago!

December 7 – Community

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I would say I have discovered more of the Twitter community in 2010, despite the fact that in the last few months at least I have probably been using it less than before. There are now a few people I have met through online communities that I know consider my friends and I was luckily enough to spend some time with some of them in the real world this year - particularly Shannon and Liza in America. Then there are an even fewer people that I have met through online communities who I feel incredibly lucky to have met and who I now count amongst the very small number of my closest friends.

A new community that I have become a small part of in 2010 is that of my school, and it is definitely one that I want to become a bigger part of in 2011. It's something that I need to work at; it's a big school and it isn't always easy to connect with others outside the immediate circle of my own department. But by continuing to talk to people, by volunteering to help at school discos and the like, I can slowly become a more familiar face, and feel more connected with the community I am a part of every day.

So there we go....that's me all caught up with the first 7 days. The posts from now on, though hopefully daily, should be in much more manageable chunks. I'm intrigued to find out what the other prompts will be, and what else I'll be reflecting on before the year is out.

A weighty issue

2010-10-11T21:15:00.002+01:00

My name is Sarah and I'm addicted to food.

This has been on my mind for a while and as much as I'm loathe to admit it, I'm hoping that blogging on the matter will help knock some sense in to me. You see the thing is, I lost three stone over the last 18 months, and I talked and wrote about how I had changed, how I wasn't going to go back to the yo-yo dieting that had dominated the previous 10 or 15 years, how I had really changed my attitude to food this time...but it turns out I was wrong. Because since the end of May I've managed to gain back over a stone of the weight I had lost. And I'm not very happy about it.

Of course three weeks in America didn't help, then another three weeks away from home. This time though, it wasn't so much that I was at home and miserable and turning to chocolate for comfort, but that I was out and about and having fun...and drinking too much, and eating out too often. It'll be OK I thought, I'll get back to school and I'll get back into my healthy eating routine. And I kind of did. I was having a banana for breakfast, salads for lunch and healthy dinners. Now winter is upon us (in Scotland anyway) the salads have been replaced by homemade soups but the weight still isn't shifting. And that's mostly due to my old nemesis - chocolate. I just can't seem to resist it. Especially when the nasty little voice in my head is telling me that I'm stressed, and it's been a tough day at school, and 'you're tired, go on, you deserve it'. I wish that voice would just shut up. Or at least that I could get better at ignoring it.

Extra added booze isn't helping either. I'm still not drinking during the week but I'm seeing the boy nearly every weekend (which I'm certainly not complaining about) which always seems to involve drinking. I'm happy, I like drinking, especially with good company....but something somewhere has got to give, if I'm going to avoid ending up where I was 18 months ago.

A lot has changed since then, I know; I found someone to love for a start, someone who thinks I'm beautiful whatever I weigh. But in a way that doesn't really help. Barry has lost a lot of weight since I first met him too - we should be the ideal partnership, united in the battle of the bulge. But instead I think there's a very real danger we'll encourage each other into over-eating again. In fact, that isn't fair. I'm the one doing the encouraging, and my powers of persuasion are so good that he sometimes ends up coming along for the ride. I don't blame him at all in this, this is my issue not his.

To be honest, I don't really know why I'm writing this. As my fingers tap the keys and the words appear on the page it just seems ridiculous and whiny, and why don't I just shut the fuck up and do something about it? If only it were that easy. Well it is I suppose. I could just go back to Lighter Life and lose that extra stone again in a month or so. But the regimen of Lighter Life would be much harder now I actually have a life. And I kind of feel like I got myself into this mess, I should get myself back out of it.

You know, perhaps this has helped after all. By blogging, and telling the world, I'm holding myself accountable again. And maybe that will inspire me to get back on track before it's too late. Thanks for reading, if you've stuck with me, and I'll let you know how I get on.

The Lives of Others

2010-09-21T22:03:00.000+01:00

Today I had to change my Twitter privacy settings to protect my tweets from the eyes of anyone other than my existing followers. Frankly, I'm annoyed I've felt the need to do this - not being visible kind of defeats the object of Twitter but something happened today which made me feel I have no choice. Let me explain...

As regular readers will know, I am in my first teaching post since completing a PGDE in June. I have written about some of my teaching experiences in this blog and on Twitter, but I have never mentioned the school I am teaching at, or any of the pupils that I teach by name or even in any detail. I've heard stories about kids Googling their teachers and those teachers getting into bother for things they've said online, or photos of drunken nights out or inappropriate behaviour. But I wasn't too worried; my Facebook privacy settings are as strict as they can be, and as the kids didn't know my first name they weren't going to get very far in searching for me. Until today that is. I don't know who was responsible, but today every single pupil in the school was given a newsletter to take home to their parents or carers. And in that newsletter was a list of all the new teachers to the school this year, including our first names.

It was bad enough that I then had to put up with cheeky 14 year olds walking into my classroom saying 'hello Sarah', but now it won't be long before those 14 year olds, and probably some of the other kids, go searching for me online. Maybe I'm over-inflating my importance in their lives here but already they have been asking me if I'm on Facebook, or MSN, or Bebo (although actually Twitter seems pretty low on their radar), and I'm sure there will be a few who go looking for me.

On the one hand I think I have every right to my own life and my own opinions, and why should I feel I have to hide those from the world at large? But on the other hand I know that by taking on the role and responsibilities of a teacher I have an obligation to conduct myself in a certain way. And more than anything else I think that the more personal information my pupils have about me, the more ammunition they have to use against me. So by protecting my identity online, I'm really trying to minimise any impact on my working life.

This is a relatively new phenomenon due to the recent explosion of social networking, not too long ago, the worst a teacher had to fear was being spotted by pupils in the supermarket or even on a night out (incidentally, despite my early moans about my 20 mile drive to school every day, I'm actually quite glad I'm not teaching in the town where I live and am therefore unlikely to bump into pupils outside school), but now there are so many other ways for pupils, and even parents, to find out more about the private lives of teachers. When I was at school I knew most of my teachers' first names, and I remember a brief moment of hilarity when we discovered our science teacher was called Kimberley; Mr Kimberley Caunt that is. But the worst we ever did was try (usually unsuccessfully) to look teachers up in the phone book.

Throughout my teacher training I was warned of the need to be wary of how much my online presence revealed about me...and now my full name is out there amongst my pupils I am certainly more cautious about what I say. I am also mentally going through what I have said online previously, and I'm seriously considering deleting some of the posts from this blog. Although it makes me sad that it might come to that - I don't know that it's really necessary, am I being unnecessarily worried here?

More than anything else I am angry that I had no say in my full name been given to pupils and their parents. The first I knew about it was when I found a discarded newsletter in my classroom, which was luckily just before the third years came in and abandoned their usual form of address in favour of the more familiar, and inappropriate, Sarah.

I suppose this has made me think a bit more about other Twitter users; people in the public eye, or people in other public facing professions. How worried should we be about the cross over between what we say or do in our private lives and how that may affect our careers or working life? Does being a teacher mean I'm no longer allowed to have a life of my own and participate in the online communities which I so enjoy being a part of? I know there are a few people who read this blog who are teachers or in other public facing jobs and I'd be interested to know what they, or anybody think about this issue. Is it an issue at all?

Please Miss, am I doing it right?

2010-09-13T22:12:00.000+01:00

This week will see me complete my first full month of teaching real life children as a real life, paid, teacher. And it's gone remarkably well all things considered. Admittedly, as a probationer, I'm only teaching 0.7 of a full time teacher's timetable, which means I only teach 18 of the 30 periods in a week and I have it a lot easier than a full time teacher. As the year goes on I'll be using a lot of my non-contact time in school for CPD (or Continuing Professional Development); things like observing other teachers, going into the Behaviour Support unit, shadowing learning support assistants and the like, but for the moment I can use the time to plan my lessons, find resources and mark exercise books. It certainly feels easier than when I was a student on placement. Now I have my own classroom too, I've got somewhere to work when I'm not teaching, and by essentially treating it as a normal full-time job (I'm usually in school from 8.30am to between 4.30 and 5pm) I'm getting all my work done in school and not having to bring stuff home with me. Of course there's the odd thing I have to do at home, mostly when I need to get something from a website that is blocked by the council firewall, or if I need to print stuff (the school has no money and therefore I'm not really allowed to print or photocopy anything unless it's absolutely essential).

So, it all seems to be going well. I've not been punched or had a riot in my classroom yet. I'm still struggling with a couple of classes who just can't seem to stop talking but I'm getting there. The kids are starting to get used to me, and realising that they like me more when I'm nice than when I'm annoyed with them, and to get the nice me they have to behave. They're starting to realise that there are consequences to their bad behaviour, and that I will follow through on those consequences. I've also pretty much learnt the names of all the pupils I teach (and 180 names in less than a month is no mean feat), and that helps with discipline no end.

But I suppose the big question still to be answered is did I make the right decision in giving up a year's income, and taking on a load of debt, to retrain? The simple answer is that, at the moment, I still don't know. Someone asked me the other day if I'm enjoying it...and I don't even know that. At the moment I'm just doing it, and trying to get better at it as fast as I can. I'm certainly not not liking it. I'm not waking up filled with dread at the prospect of going to school. I have had a few random school-based dreams, and a few nights of lying in bed thinking about how I'm going to deal with certain kids, or deliver a particular lesson, but I'm by no means stressed about it. And time is flying by, I swear a week only lasts three days, which is always a sign that things are going well. Of course, my lack of stress probably has something to do with how happy I am with my life in general at the moment, that my weekends really are something to look forward to, and that I have someone to talk to every night who is willing to listen to me ramble on about naughty kids for hours on end. The other teachers at school are great too, and for now I'm mostly being left to my own devices to just get on with it. I'm not under the same constant scrutiny that I was on placement and that makes a hell of a difference. I am even getting glimpses of the 'job satisfaction' that everyone talks about. Occasionally, I feel like I've made a breakthrough with a pupil, no matter how small that breakthrough may be, and it actually feels like I might be making a difference. And I suppose that's what it's all about.

Of course, I've still got a long way to go to get through this year, and after Christmas I face the prospect of having to find a new job for the start of the next school year, (I was guaranteed a job for a year on the probation scheme in place in Scotland but after this school year I'm on my own) possibly somewhere entirely new. And then I'll have to deal with moving, not only jobs, but moving house too and all the complications that will bring. But do you know what? I feel like I'm ready for the challenge. I'm excited about my life and whatever the future might bring, and I certainly never said that when I was working in telephone banking!

It's nice to be important...

2010-09-07T23:05:00.000+01:00

...but it's more important to be nice.

So it turns out that this having a boyfriend lark is pretty darned cool. It was the boy's birthday yesterday so he came up here on Friday for a weekend of celebrations. I had a few surprises up my sleeve as well as the plans that we'd already made, if you're interested in what we got up to (and what he thought of it all) you can read the details in Barry's blog over here, although I think I should add that my friend Claire decided the birthday boy should henceforth be known as Bazza, and I think it might stick!

As you'll see from his blog, the boy really enjoyed his weekend (as did I!) and all the birthday treats I provided (among other things; fancy gin, real coffee for breakfast, a few choice birthday presents, and a fun night of food, booze and SingStar, including a home made birthday cake), and it made me realise just how much I like doing nice things for other people. I remember thinking the same thing a few years ago when I realised I was more excited about my family opening the Christmas presents I'd bought for them than opening my own presents. And it's not about spending a lot of money and buying expensive gifts, but more about finding things that the other person would really like, without them having to tell you. I love listening out for little hints or comments and then storing them away in the recesses of my brain for an opportune moment to use them. Or just letting someone know you're thinking about them - I've become a fan of late of finding cool and appropriate cards to send to people out of the blue...who doesn't love getting post after all?

And of course I like it when people do nice things for me too. It doesn't have to be anything massive - a timely text message when I'm feeling low will do the trick, or the kid who despite having been disruptive and annoying during the lesson, stayed behind to help me clear up, or of course just being there to give me a hug and tell me that I'm great (and that's something that wasn't so easy to come by until recently).

Maybe taking pleasure in pleasing other people is a grown up thing, rather than the selfishness of childhood that unfortunately I see more than I'd like to in school, but I think the world would be a better place if we all just followed the advice of Bill & Ted;

Be Excellent to Each Other....and party on, dudes!

Everything Changes...

2010-09-01T22:26:00.000+01:00

I know some of you have been reading this blog since I started writing it, and even for those of you who haven't... do you remember this? That's right - back in April last year I sent off my application to get on a teacher training course, and now, just 17 short months later I'm teaching every day and I'm even getting paid to do it! It's bloody hard work of course, and I'm already counting down the weeks until I get to have a holiday again, but generally...I'm loving it.

I have been sent back, for my probationary year, to the school where I did my first teaching placement at uni. I was a little bit disappointed when I first found out if I'm honest but now I'm back I'm glad I got to go back somewhere where I already knew all the teachers in my department and where everything is. There are two other probationer teachers in the school as well which is brilliant because we all have a sympathetic ear to bend whenever we need it!

I'm suffering a bit today though - with the cold that I was bound to get sooner rather than later. And the cold that everyone warned me new teachers always get at the beginning of term. There are a lot of kids in school, and that means a lot of germs. When 4 kids in 4 different classes kindly informed me they had 'the cold' (for a cold requires a definite article in Scotland) I was pretty certain it wouldn't be long before I succumbed, which I duly did. And of course as I now have a boyfriend with whom I can share the best parts of my life....I shared the cold with him this weekend too. However, after going to bed at 8pm last night and getting a pretty much solid 11 hours sleep, I'm fighting the good fight and appear to have shaken off the worst of it.

Speaking of my lovely boyfriend - I don't think getting drunk on a mixture of cider, wine, champagne and Southern Comfort, and staying up until 4am on Friday night, was the best support for my immune system. It was, however, a helluva lot of fun! After the boy making a couple of trips north to Edinburgh and a weekend apart, I was back in Manchester this weekend. How is it that a 4 hour train ride to get there felt like no time at all, but the 4 hour journey home felt like the longest trip known to man? I reckon there's something dodgy going on with the space/time continuum somewhere round about Carlisle. Or something.

Anyway, I had a lovely time down there, even if we spent most of Saturday bemoaning our hangovers before starting to drink again at wedding reception where Barry knew very few people and I knew precisely him! It was good fun though and I enjoyed rocking the little black dress look, and having a sexy boy on my arm (he really does scrub up well you know!). And that's my travelling done for a few weeks anyway. The birthday boy is coming up here this weekend, we're going to go out with my friends Claire and Dave, and then I'm going to kick everyone's asses at SingStar. It's going to be awesome.

I'm still getting used to the idea that I've got a boyfriend at all though. It is, of course, very lovely but 8 years is a long time to be single and I got used to being on my own, doing my own thing, and not having to plan for anyone or anything else. I'm sure I'll get used to it though, as will he, and we'll make our merry way in the world together. And what a busy way it's going to be!

Crikey Moses!

2010-08-13T14:36:00.000+01:00

It's been a hell of a month since my last post. In fact it's been a hell of a two and half months. When I got back from America I spent a day at my brother's house in London where I mostly, slept, washed clothes and repacked to go to Latitude Festival.

I've never been to a music festival before (apart from Greenbelt - the 'Christian' festival when I was about 15), and I was really looking forward to it, as much for the comedy on offer as the music. I'm not going to go into too much detail here, mostly because it feels like it was so long ago and I can't remember too many details! Suffice to say I had a fantastic time; musical highlights were Laura Marling, Mumford & Sons and Tom Jones, and there was plenty of comedy too - I loved Doc Brown and Abandoman, and Robin Ince did a brilliant job, seemingly never off stage in the Literary Tent. My favourite things of the whole weekend though were Mark Watson's drunken book reading which was absolutely hilarious, and Stories for a Starlit Sky which happened on the Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings at midnight. These stories by Daniel Kitson are accompanied by music from Gavin Osborn - how could I not love something from my two favourite performers?!

After Latitude I spent another couple of days in London and managed to fit in Edinburgh previews from Stewart Lee, Tiernan Douieb, Carl Donnelly and Jon Richardson. All but Jon's shows were as close to finished as they could be and I really enjoyed all of them. I was particularly surprised by Donnelly's show - I've only ever seen him do a five minute set before which I wasn't that enamoured with but I loved his hour long show.

I eventually got home exactly a month after I left, but I only stayed in my own flat for two nights before I went to Manchester for my much anticipated first date with the man I'd managed to fall in love with, despite only having met him in person for a couple of hours two months before. We were both nervous about how the weekend would go but we needn't have worried - it turned out we liked each other just as much in 3D real life as we did online. So after an amazing couple of days in Manchester I was back in my own bed for another two nights before getting the train down to my parents' house in Blackpool. I managed to squeeze in another night in Manchester before making my way to Great Tower Scout campsite near Windermere in the Lake District for a week of helping at Red Rose 2010, an international camp organised by West Lancashire Scouts.

Both my parents have been involved with the Scout Association for a very long time and so was I until about the age of 18, in fact I was only 14 weeks old when I went to my first Scout camp, and I went every year until I was 15 when my Dad wouldn't let me go any more because as the only girl, I was too distracting for the Scouts! I was a leader myself for a couple of years before leaving home for university and I've helped out at a few things since. However, after a slightly drunken conversation with my Dad at Christmas I had volunteered to help out as staff on this camp, and had some how ended up becoming a fully paid up member of the Scout Association again, with necker, woggle and all! I had a great time at camp, and only a couple of weeks before I went back to school it was brilliant to get some experience of working with kids again, and it reminded me why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place.

The only downside to camping, despite my Dad's technical wizardry in managing to set up an internet connection in a tent, from a phone line in a tree, I felt somewhat disconnected from the world again, and from one boy in particular. So when Barry offered to come up to the Lakes on Friday night I jumped at the opportunity. It was also give me a chance to introduce him to my Mum and Dad. It was a little bit weird to see him in this situation, and after having made an effort to look my best for our previous meetings, lord knows what he really thought when he turned up to find me unwashed, and wearing my waterproof jacket with shorts, hiking boots and knee high socks! But then I always find looking slightly ridiculous is a good test of a man's love, don't you?

After a rain-battered night in a tiny tent, our mental lives continued as Barry drove back to Manchester in order to on a train back North to Edinburgh and I got the train back to Dunfermline, where I spent exactly two hours before I was also back on a train bound for Edinburgh. I'd invited Barry to come to the Fringe for a weekend of comedy, booze and fun before I'd even gone to America but I don't think either of us could have guessed how far our relationship would have come by this point. We had a brilliant weekend together, I love Edinburgh at any time of year but it's even better when there's comedy round every corner. I will review the shows at some point but I can't marshal my thoughts enough to do it at the moment. Highly recommended though are Michael Legge and Robin Ince's Pointless Anger, Righteous Ire, Jonny Sweet, Loretta Maine, Helen Arney, Alex Horne, Sarah Millican, Des Bishop and of course Daniel Kitson.

I spent a couple more days in Edinburgh for finally making it back to my own flat on Wednesday, but only because I had to attend a council induction day for all the probationer teachers in Fife yesterday. I can't believe I actually start school on Monday! At least the kids don't come back until Wednesday so I've got a couple of days to try and remember how to be a teacher again. But first, it's back to Edinburgh this afternoon to meet my lovely boyfriend again (it still feels a bit strange, and wonderful, to say I have a boyfriend) for another couple of days of worry free comedy and fun...before I return to the real world with a bump on Monday.

If there's one thing I can say about this summer, it's that it certainly wasn't boring. No-one can accuse me of wasting time, that's for sure! It's been the best summer I can remember for a very long time, and one I'm not going to forget in a hurry.

Bright Light City

2010-07-27T23:19:00.001+01:00

Frickin' Vegas baby!

After my trip to the Grand Canyon, the next day saw me heading back west, over the Hoover Dam into Nevada, and to Las Vegas. Vegas is one of the many places in America I've wanted to go to for a long time, and I probably would have been going on this trip anyway, but happily my trip to the States also coincided with The Amaz!ng Meeting 8 (TAM8), the critical thinking and skepticism conference organised by the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF).

TAM8 was held at the South Point Casino which is about 2 miles south of the main strip. That didn't matter though, when I pulled up outside and walked through the front door, right into all the sounds and lights of a real Las Vegas casino. It was another one of those real 'just like the movies' moments. And when I'd checked in and seen the size of my (£28 a night) room I actually jumped up and down like an excited child.

I met up with my friend Liza (@wickedlibrarian), who had travelled down from her home in Illinois with her husband Bill (@billtannica) for TAM. It was great to see Liza again having met her previously on her trip to the UK last autumn, and to meet Bill. And after 10 days travelling alone, as much fun as that had been, it was lovely to see some familiar faces.

Although I was mainly in Vegas for TAM, and to experience all that it would have to offer, I was also determined to see 'Las Vegas' too. After checking into the hotel I had to take my now beloved Dodge back to the car rental place at the airport, but before I did that I had just enough time to take a drive down the strip and see some of the world famous hotels. There really is something very surreal about an almost life size Eiffel Tower in the middle of the Nevada desert!

I got a chance to see some more of the strip on my second day in Vegas - we met Bill's cousins for lunch, next to the Trevi Fountain in Caesar's Palace (like you do) and then after getting a lift down to the Stratosphere at the north end of the strip then walked back through some of the other hotels - notably the Venetian, Paris, and the new City Centre. Luckily a lot of the hotels are connected, requiring minimal time to be spent outside in the ridiculous desert heat - I swear the soles on my Converse were actually melting!

The three days of speakers and events of TAM were brilliant - if you haven't heard of TAM and have no idea what I'm talking about there's a good summary here. I'm not going to go into masses of detail about what happened and who I saw here but I will mention a few highlights. After about 18 months of listening to The Skeptics Guide to the Universe it was very exciting to be witness to two live recordings (even if they were at 8am and I was still eating breakfast at the time) and I got to speak to one of the hosts, Jay Novella, when I was buying an SGU t-shirt. Also, getting to hear James Randi himself speaking (particularly his very interesting reminisces about his many appearances on the Johnny Carson TV show) and to see the tiny man himself in the corridors (although I didn't have the balls to actually speak to him) was pretty awesome. Other great speakers for me were Michael Shermer, Simon Singh (as always), Mythbusters' Adam Savage, Paul Provenza and the now infamous 'Don't be a dick' speech by Phil Plait (you can read a transcript here).

And of course, I can't forget to mention the Skepchick's Bordello Party, which took place about a mile from the hotel at a cabin in the desert. It was a lot of fun and I got to speak to current JREF president DJ Grothe, and talk to fellow Brit, Sid Rodrigues.

On my last night in Las Vegas (which was also my last night in America) I headed back down the strip to get the full on night time Vegas experience. And I loved it! I saw the pirate show at Treasure Island, went into even more of the hotels including the Luxor, Excaliber, New York, New York and my favourite; the Bellagio. I also saw the fountains at the Bellagio a couple of times. They are amazing, and I think probably my favourite thing in Vegas.

And that was it. I left Vegas and flew back to the UK (spending two hours in Houston, Texas on the way). It was the end of my American adventure but not the end of my holiday. I still had another ten days to spend in London and at Latitude Festival before I finally made it home.

This really was a trip of a lifetime. I knew when I was planning it that it was going to be brilliant but I didn't realise just how amazing it was going to be. I packed so much into my 19 nights that it felt like I had been there months. And there was another thing that made my trip even more amazing than I could have imagined....and that was something that has turned into an entirely new adventure....

You see, I had company on my trip. Not actual physical company, but virtual company from a boy; a boy I had met on my last trip to London and had started chatting to online before setting off on my trip. All the time I was 5000 miles and 8 hours away, we exchanged emails and tweets and texts, then phone calls for hours (oh, how I love the wonder that is Skype), and somehow, despite the strangeness of the circumstances our friendship and later mutual admiration grew. And this weekend, 8 weeks and 10500 miles after first meeting, I went to see him at home in Manchester....and we started our new adventure together. It seems you really do find love when you least expect it after all.

I get my kicks on Route 66

2010-07-07T03:12:00.002+01:00

I've totally neglected this blogging thing...but it's such a pain in the arse to do on my phone, and I'm guessing most of you who read this have seen my updates on Twitter and Facebook anyway. Still, I'm going to try and do a quick round up of what I've been doing since that last blog post.

Wednesday - Shannon and I went and did the tourist thing in LA. We drove down the coast past the stupidly expensive beach front houses of Malibu, and the amusement park on Santa Monica Pier to Venice Beach, with the delayed reaction instructions of the satnav on my phone causing much hilarity along the way.

We saw all the sights of Venice Beach - a man wearing tiny shorts and working out at Muscle Beach, skaters and cyclists, hippies and street traders, and not forgetting the several offices of Marijuana Doctors! And I bought a new hat from a man who called himself 'Hat Dog' and kept randomly making me try on different hats while telling me, several times, how nobody new more about hats than him, and how Angelina Jolie had bought 17 hats off him! He was hilarious, but I think if I hadn't been with Shannon I would have been a little bit terrified.

After some lunch we drove to Hollywood Boulevard through Beverley Hills and past Rodeo Drive - which I was very excited about due to their prominence in Pretty Woman! On Hollywood Boulevard we looked at the Walk of Fame stars on the sidewalk, saw the Kodak Theater where the Oscars are held and, my favourite bit, saw all the hand and footprints outside Graumann's Chinese Theater. You could spend hours there just comparing the size of your hands and feet to all the celebrities!

After a quick glimpse of the Hollywood sign and (more) ice cream we headed back up to Shannon's house. But a bit bizarrely to a different house to the one we left in the morning. I have to thank Shannon and Jeremy so much for their hospitality - I don't think I would want a guest when I was literally in the middle of moving house! And despite my worries I wasn't even very allergic to their cute little dogs Austin and Marvin.

I loved LA and it was great to see all the famous sights and the places you recognise from the movies, but I don't think I could spend any longer than a day there!

Thursday - A fairly early start, a little bit if shopping at the outlet mall where I wanted to buy new Converse but ended up with a Gap hoody too, and then I was back on the road heading for Palm Springs, a place I'd heard of but didn't know much about. A pretty boring drive down the Interstate later and I was stepping out of the car into 110 degree heat - that's about 43 centigrade. I've experienced that kind of heat before, in the heatwave of 2003 when I was working in the Dordogne. But this was desert heat, and it's like actually being in an oven! A quick enquiry at the visitor centre and I'd landed a room at a fairly swanky hotel (with a pool) for the bargain price of $40. In the evening I had a wander round the street market they have on the main street every Thursday evening, and along with some corn on the cob and fresh lemonade, I also got a massage from a Chinese man. Excellent.

Friday - The reason I was in Palm Springs was to go the 2.5 miles up Mount Saint Jacinta on the Arial Tramway as recommended by my friends Claire and Dave. And boy am I glad I followed their recommendation.

I was up and about early enough to get the first car up the mountain at 10am, with an assortment of ill-prepared tourists and over-equipped hikers, and I'm glad I did, because when I went on the 1.5 mile Desert View loop there was no-one else around to spoil my enjoyment of the absolutely awesome fucking views. It was just staggering - we just don't get vistas that...big in Europe. It's really hard to explain just how breathtaking it was, hopefully when I get home and get the photos off my actual camera some of them will do it justice. And it was also a blessedly cool 20 centigrade up there. I spent an hour or so admiring the views then came back down and set off on my drive to Yuma, right on the California/ Arizona border, and the Yuma of the film '3.10 to Yuma' fame. I found a motel, had some food and got I think the earliest night of my whole holiday. Man I was tired!

Saturday - After a look round the Quatermaster's Store, a preserved military depot from the 19th Century and the Yuma Territorial Prison museum, I set off on the drive North to Kingman on Route 66. And the first few hours of that drive were up the US 95 which runs up through Arizona. It is one of those roads that looks like someone has drawn it on the map with a ruler. Running perfectly North/South in the straightest line you've ever seen. I turned on the cruise control and rested my fingertips on the wheel, and that was about all I needed to do!

As I drove further north the road got a bit more interesting as it ran alongside the Colorado river (which seemed to be full of people in speedboats and on jet skis enjoying the holiday weekend). When I hit the I-40 I actually had to drive a little way in the wrong direction so I could get on to 'Historic Route 66' and yes, I did play the song at full blast as soon as I hit my first actual bit of the old road! The bit I drove winds its way through the Black Mountains and the town of Oatman, which really is still like the the old Wild West, wooden sidewalks, wild donkeys and all!

It's amazing to think that this steep, winding, probably somewhat treacherous road was once (and until fairly recently - well the late 70s/ early 80s anyway) the main thoroughfare across the States. After driving through the hills from Oatman I arrived in Kingman. Which in the words of the song sits between 'Flagstaff Arizona, don't forget Winona...' and 'Barstow, San Bernadino'. Kingman has a rich Route 66 history and I stayed in the properly old school Hill Top Motel, and further indulged my love of 50s diners at Mr D's.

Sunday - Independence Day
After a look round the excellent Route 66 museum and the pancakes for breakfast that I'd been holding out for. I was intending on driving east to Meteor Crater then back west to spend the night in Flagstaff but I mentioned it on Twitter the lovely Liza (@wickedlibrarian) did some research online for me and found out the July 4th Fireworks had been cancelled due to the high fire risk. She suggested I try Sedona which is about 30 miles south of Flagstaff.

But first I went to the Arizona Meteor Crater, another thing I wouldn't have done were it not for a recommendation, this time from the awesome @BarrySkellern. The crater was formed 50,000 years ago by a 150 foot meteor and it was really impressive to see. The little museum there was great too, with lots of interactive exhibits.

So then I set of back west heading for Sedona, what I didn't realise was that once I left the Interstate at Flagstaff I would be driving right through Oak Creek Canyon, another spectacular experience. It took a bit of driving about to find a motel and when I did the only room they had left was a 'jacuzzi room' so they gave it me at a discount and I actually had an anteroom off the bedroom just for the jacuzzi!

A short drive down the road took me to Cottonwood and the fireworks display. I managed to find it somewhat accidentally then found myself in a field full of hundreds of Americans and more glowsticks than I've ever seen before in my life! I had a hot dog and ooh'ed and ahh'ed with the rest of 'em. It was almost like being a native!

Monday - Back to Flagstaff and a look round the Lowell Observatory, where Pluto was first discovered. When i arrived they were doing solar viewings with a specially filtered telescope and I got to look at the sun and see a tiny black sunspot which is actually the size of the Earth! We got to in one of the domes and see the original telescope Lowell himself used when he was looking for life on Mars in the late 18th and early 19th Centuries. That was really cool and then I had a very quick look round the exhibits...but I think I'm a bit over -spaced at the moment, certainly at the level of space information available in tourist attractions!

After the observatory I carried on west to Williams and to the first accommodation I'd actually booked in advance since San Francisco. It's a little B&B called the Canyon Country Inn right on Route 66. I did make a bit of a school boy error when booking because it doesn't have wifi but then when I booked I didn't realise how much I would be relying on internet access during this trip. Still all it took was a short stroll down the main street to find wifi spilling out of all the other motels.

Before I went out for dinner I sat out on the little porch outside my room, playing my ukulele and drinking a beer. Living. The. Dream.

Tuesday - I took the old Grand Canyon Railway which has period cars and provides information and entertainment en route to the Canyon. It takes about two and a half hours to get there, and it was a joy to have a day off from driving.

The Canyon was pretty much exactly as I expected. It's very impressive, especially the first five minutes of staring at it in wonder. And it's also heaving with tourists, exactly as I expected. From the train depot (which is at the South Rim) I walked west along the rim trail then followed the Bright Angel trail down into the Canyon. This is one of the trails that leads all the way down to the Colorado river, if you follow it long enough. I only walked down a mile or so and found a little spot in the shade, just off the trail to eat my lunch. While I was there I saw a mule train coming back up the trail. That's got to be the easy way to do it! Once I came back up I walked a bit further along the rim trail then headed back for the train back to Williams.

The Grand Canyon is an impressive place and if I ever went back I'd love to the overnight hike right down to the river. But because it was precisely what I was expecting, and because it was so full of tourists it can't beat that view and the peace and quiet at the top of that cable car above Palm Springs.

Tomorrow I'm entering into Phase 3 of my trip. I'm driving to Vegas, dropping off my Dodge and spending the next four days at The Amaz!ng Meeting. I'll be meeting up with Liza (and Bill, her husband too) which I'm really looking forward, especially since I've not seen her since October!

It feels like a month since I was in San Francisco, not a week. I don't think I could've crammed any more into this holiday if I tried. It is officially The Best Holiday Ever.

For now, thanks for reading and I bid you adieu.

Adventures in Southern California: The Return

2010-07-02T07:36:00.003+01:00

Oh dear blog reader, how I've been neglecting you...but I've just been so gosh-darned busy over here in the US of A.

So, when I left you it was Friday and I'd just spent my first full day in San Francisco. Here's what happened next (in brief)...

Saturday -
I hired a bike and rode from Fort Mason to the Golden Gate Bridge (only about 3 miles). I only rode to the middle of the bridge and back because despite it being really sunny and hot at sea level it was still misty (and freezing) on the bridge.

There was a great spot to take photos on the way down though with brilliant views over the city. A nice man offered to take this photo for me but I'm sticking to principle that every photo of me on this holiday will be taken by me with only the views in the background changing!

After that I had a wander in Fisherman's Wharf which is really tacky- just like the Golden Mile back home in Blackpool really! Then I rode the cable car all the way back downtown. I was hanging off the side like a real tourist which is pretty scary when you start going down those hills!

The weather was really hot, but quite windy so you didn't notice it so much. When I was on the bike I had leggings and my converse boots on and managed to sunburn the 4 inches of exposed flesh! And my nose a bit too... My legs now look completely ridiculous with their stripy sections!

Sunday -
I was awake at 7am to watch the football (don't know why I bothered!), then I went to watch some of the Gay Pride parade which was cool - very flamboyant! One whole section was just cheerleaders and they were my favourites, even when it seemed like they were about to throw people into the overhead electric cables that the buses run on!

After that I walked miles to the Golden Gate park and went to the Academy of Sciences - the guy working on reception at the hotel had recommended it. It was good too - the planetarium was my favourite bit, narrated by Whoopi Goldberg no less! And it has a 'living roof' which was really cool, and, I believe, inspired by the Teletubbies!

After that I got the bus to the pier for the boat to Alcatraz. And there it is...The Rock.

It was brilliant- there was an audio tour of the cellhouse narrated by former officers and inmates then a talk about some of the escape attempts. And I spent most of the time trying to spot film locations!

I went on the evening tour so the boat back was at 8.40 just as the sun was setting- the views were amazing. Then on the way back to my hotel I had pasta in Little Italy then went to a bar as recommended by Michael Legge...where they filmed a bit of Basic Instinct apparently!

Monday -
I checked out of the hotel and picked up my rental car - a Dodge Caliber...it's pretty big but not massive. And I managed to drive out of San Fran without crashing or dying, despite the best efforts of the satnav to make me turn left when I wasn't allowed... and I keep trying to change gear! From San Francisco I went to Walnut Creek, over the Oakland bridge to the San Francisco Creamery for ice cream. I saw it on Man v. Food and had to go there! I had a corned beef sandwich with actual corned beef that didn't come out of a tin, and then had the biggest dish of apple pie flavour ice cream ever made, and that was a small!

From there I headed down Highway 1; the Pacific Coast Highway, to a place called San Simeon where William Randolph Hearst built a castle...the barman at the hotel in San Francisco recommended it, and it's about half way to Oxnard where I was going next to meet my Twitter friend Shannon (@monasmith).

The views down the coast were amazing. I realised I'd never seen the Pacific Ocean before. It's a really great drive along the winding coast road, if you ever find yourself in that part of the world I would definitely recommend it over the main Highway 101.

There isn't really anything in San Simeon itself except a load of motels but I was excited to stay in a motel right on the coast, just like in the movies with drive up rooms and everything!

Tuesday-
I got up pretty early and was at Hearst Castle by 9.30am but it seems you really need to book in advance because the next available tour wasn't until 11.50am. I really didn't want to wait around that long but I did see the really good 40 minute film about the history of the castle and had a look round the exhibits in the visitor centre. I didn't even get a glimpse of the castle in the ended because it's way up on the hill and was completely hidden in the mist!

From San Simeon I carried on South to Oxnard where I was going to stay with Shannon, only stopping for lunch in a cute little town called Summerland, oh and being baffled when trying to fill the car with petrol...it turned out I had to leave my credit card with the cashier before they would turn the pump on....I eventually discovered when the lady in the shop spoke to me through the pump!

I arrived at Shannon's at about 4pm (I don't know how I would be managing without the satnav on my phone by the way) and we had a good catch up before I went to watch her Roller Derby practice. I knew a bit about derby but it's pretty brutal! Looks like a lot of fun though. After practice we headed back to Shannon's and bed.

I'm going to leave this here for now as it's already miles long. Yesterday I spent the day being a tourist LA and Hollywood with Shannon and today I drove to Palm Springs....which is definitely the hottest place so far, I suppose it is in the desert after all...but I'm going to save the details for another day. Rest assured though, I think so far this is the best holiday I've ever had...and I've still got 10 days to go!

As always, thanks for reading. Until next time....

If you're going to San Francisco

2010-06-26T06:34:00.000+01:00

...be sure to...have a passport photo that looks like you. As I discovered after being detained by US Immigration for two hours when I arrived last night - just what I needed after 21 hours of travelling. The problem is that my passport is nine and a half years old. On the photo I have long blonde hair...but it's still me! People do get hair cuts after all. But then the plastic over the photo is bubbled (and always has been) but I suppose it does look a bit dodgy. Anyway, after the first immigration man looked backwards and forwards between me and the passport for a good ten minutes he sent me to wait in the Immigration with the visa-less students, the Polish who had told the first official she was getting married in the US then suddenly couldn't speak English anymore, the Arabic woman and her toddler who were getting deported, and the British family whose father had an expired Green Card. For the first 45 minutes or so it was quite interesting, just like one of those Airport! programmes on TV. But after another 45 minutes I was just tired and close to tears.....what if they actually didn't let me in? But after looking at my passport, along with my driving license and student ID, the immigration officer finally decided to let me in - after thinking about it for another half an hour. Welcome to America!

Luckily, arriving at my hotel more than made up for the drama of getting in. I'd booked it online with minimal research so I was delighted to discover it was exactly what I'd hoped for. The Hotel Majestic is the oldest hotel in San Francisco having survived the great earthquake and subsequent fire of 1906. It's old, and a bit shabby round the edges, but full of character and with the friendliest staff. My room even has a canopy bed and a roll top bath.

After beating the jet lag (which I know isn't that hard in this direction) by staying up with a couple of glasses of wine until 11pm local time then sleeping until 10am, I've had a great first day in San Francisco. I've walked all over the city, miles and miles up and down its famous hilly streets. I started off walking over to Telegraph Hill, which as the name would suggest is a hill, it's got a tower on top that you can go up for great views of the city (when it's not shrouded in mist!). On the way I stumbled on the Cable Car museum which was tiny but cool and you could see all the big wheels and pulleys actually running the cables. I love walking everywhere in cities because you do just happen on stuff all the time.

Before I went up Telegraph Hill I went to the Beat Museum and to the City Lights book store, made famous by the beat poets. I don't really know that much about them, apart from reading Jack Kerouac's On The Road when I was 19 and thought I was cool, but I love that era.

You can drive up Telegraph Hill but the are also steps cut into the steep sides, so after a mercifully short climb to the top I took the elevator up the 210ft Coit Tower. From the top there are panoramic views of the city and despite the mist it was pretty impressive. You could just about see the Golden Gate Bridge in the distance, and Fisherman's Wharf and Alcatraz island below.

After I came down from Telegraph Hill I walked back downtown through the Financial District then to San Francisco Museum of Modern Art (SFMOMA). I'm loving still having my student ID because I got discount here and at the Beat Museum. SFMOMA was great - some really cool photos in an exhibition called The View From Here and a new exhibition with some Andy Warhol stuff that was interesting to see in real life.

Right, nearly there, after SFMOMA I walked west to Alamo Square to see the 'Painted Ladies' - old Victorian houses painted all pastel colours. I wanted to see them anyway but also, just before I came away, my sister-in-law said I had to take photos of the 'colourful houses'! I'm absolutely loving all the San Francisco architecture; there are so many different styles and colours and weirdly shaped buildings designed to fit on the steepest of 'Frisco's hills.

From Alamo Square I headed back to my hotel, and bought a new ukulele on the way!! It's a concert uke (the next size up from the soprano which I already have), solid spruce top and it's lovely...and only $99, which I think is quite cheap but I've not quite figured out the exchange rate yet.

After a quick pit stop, I went out for a delicious burger to a diner that's in an old cable car carriage. And now I'm back at my hotel drinking raspberry cider in my room and watching the World Cup. I think tomorrow's plan is Golden Gate Bridge and possibly the science museum, then Fisherman's Wharf and Alcatraz on Sunday. And Monday morning I pick up my car and leave this city...although I'm bit terrified of driving for the first time in America on these crazy city streets!

That's all for now - Tune in next time for more of Sarah's Adventures in America. Coming Soon!

Good Morning America

2010-06-23T13:17:00.002+01:00

So it's finally here, almost... tomorrow I'm finally going on my long awaited trip to America. It's going to be a long day of travelling. My friend is picking me up at 7.15am to give me a lift to Edinburgh airport, I'm flying down to Heathrow, have a few hours to wait there then fly to San Francisco at 2pm and like magic will arrive, 11 hours later, at 5pm! At which point I have to try and stay awake until normal bedtime and then that should be that. Like my Dad, I don't really agree with jet lag. Luckily, I'm very good at sleeping so I plan on doing plenty of that on the big plane (I'm very excited about the big plane - I've only flown long haul once before...) and I reckon I'll be OK.

I'm in San Francisco for 4 nights before picking up a hire car and driving down the Pacific Coast to LA, then East along some of the old Route 66 (and yes I have several versions of the song to listen to while I do) to Arizona and the Grand Canyon, before finishing my trip with 5 nights in Las Vegas and all the fun of the skeptic conference that is TAM 8.

I'm looking forward to meeting up with a couple of my Twitter pals (@monasmith and @wickedlibrarian) whilst I'm away. As much as I enjoy travelling alone it will be lovely to see some familiar faces in the foreign land.

So that's me, I'm nearly all set - I've mowed the lawn, I've cleaned the flat, my Sky+ box is empty, I've almost packed (well there's lots of stuff on my spare bed - I just need to put it in a bag), the fridge is empty and I've put the cat out. Is there anything I've forgotten?

I'm going to try and blog while I'm away; as a record so I don't forget things and so I don't come back and bore everyone with a massive blog post of 'then I went here, then I did this..'. I'm sure I'll still manage to get on Twitter a fair bit too...you don't get rid of me that easily. But for now, I bid you adieu.

See you on the other side.

Bring Me Sunshine

2010-06-20T14:40:00.001+01:00

Morecambe; the one-man play based on the life of 'National Treasure' Eric Morecambe, rather than the run-down seaside town from which its most famous son took his name, first appeared at the 2009 Edinburgh Fringe to rave reviews. A longer version, with the same cast and creative team is now nearing the end of a national tour and as I hadn't managed to catch it in Edinburgh last year I was delighted to find out a few months ago that the Carnegie Hall in Dunfermline would be one of the dates on the tour. And so it was on Friday night, that I took my seat in the theatre to find out what all the fuss was about.

I wouldn't say I am a massive Morecambe and Wise fan, after all Eric died in 1984 on my 6th birthday. However, I grew up with the Christmas Specials which it seems were eternally repeated and I certainly have the same affection for the inimitable duo that any member of the British public over 30 has. I was certainly enough of a fan to be aware of the silly walks, the regular gags, and the paper bag trick which all appear here.

This play (now running at close to two hours - I wonder what has been added to the hour long performance of the Fringe?) is not simply a two hour long impression of Eric Morecambe. Bob Golding bears an uncanny resemblance to Morecambe as soon as he sticks his head round the curtain, with trademark black glasses and pipe and he certainly has the voice and mannerisms down, but he inhabits the character and gives him such a warmth, and goes so much deeper than the Eric of stage and screen that we already know, that you really feel it's the man himself there on the stage.

After beginning with the BBC announcement of Morecambe's death in 1984 (he died of a heart attack after coming off stage in Tewkesbury), the play goes back to the beginning of the story and follows the progress of John Eric Bartholomew from a school boy song and dance act playing the clubs and hotels of Lancashire with the support of his mother Sadie, to his meeting with Ernie Wise (or Ernest Wiseman as he was then) and the creation of their double act in 1940, through to their successes on both stage and on the small screen, and the happiness of his private life. The play doesn't only focus on the successes though, we are also taken through the more difficult times in Eric's life; how he and Ernie were called up for National Service - Ernie to the Merchant Navy and he as a Bevan Boy in the coal mines of Lancashire, and how he was invalided out of the service by a heart condition that would eventually contribute to his death. From the duo's appearances in the seedy 'variety' shows of Soho where the audience were more interested in watching naked girls than their jokes, to the failure of their first appearance on television - after which one reviewer wrote that TV would become 'the box they buried Morecambe and Wise in', a review Eric carried with him for the rest of his life. How Morecambe and Wise never managed to crack America, despite a few appearances on The Ed Sullivan show, but their success in Britain more than made up for this.

Bob Golding really is fantastic in this role, and not only as Eric Morecambe but as all the other characters he brings into the story (Ernie appears on stage throughout the play but I won't give away how this is achieved - Eric and Ernie even sing together several times). His job is surely made easier by the pacey script from writer Tim Whitnall which zips along for the close to two hour running time taking the audience from laughs one second to tears in the eye and a lump in the throat the next. The play is also a credit to director Guy Masterson who has got the very best from script and actor, while working with minimal set and staging.

But the really star of the show has to be Eric Morecambe himself - the boy who took his name from the Lancashire town of his birth and made his name in a partnership that lasted over 40 years. This play is a fitting tribute and celebration of the life of a man who really was 'Britain's Best Loved Comic'.

Get busy living...

2010-06-13T13:54:00.001+01:00

It's been a funny old week in my world. Last Saturday my friends Claire and Dave took me out for dinner for my birthday then I stayed over at their house - because although it's not very far from where I live, it's easier to sleep over than get a taxi home. I drunk rather a lot, and stayed up drinking, watching TV and chatting on Twitter after they had gone to bed. It was all good fun and nice to hang out with Claire and Dave, having not really seen them for a few weeks.

But on Sunday morning after they gave me a lift home I felt inexplicably glum. And that feeling of having a dark cloud hanging over me didn't really leave me all week. And I did what I always did when I was feeling miserable. I ate. I was meant to be trying to lose the couple of pounds I'd put on during my week in London but instead I was back to ordering pizza and eating massive bags of giant chocolate buttons and whole tubs of ice-cream. This eating to try and make myself feel better was one demon I thought I'd conquered but clearly not. But of course it didn't make me feel better, to be honest it didn't make me feel anything at all. I didn't feel angry, or guilty, or even sick. I just felt...nothing. And I think that has been part of my trouble this week.

I should have been happy this week. I have now completely, and officially finished (and passed) my teacher training. I am the proud holder of a Post Graduate Diploma in Education. But somehow I just don't seem to be that bothered about it. I think maybe because it seems to have gone so quickly, it doesn't really feel like that's it. But it really is. I did it. And I know I should be feeling proud of myself but I don't really feel like it's an achievement somehow.

I'm properly on holiday now, until I start teaching properly on 16th August. And surely the prospect of that amount of time off, with so many exciting things and trips planned, would make anyone happy but even thinking about that didn't seem to help. Maybe, the thought of having permission not to do anything at all if I don't feel like it is part of the problem. Maybe I need a purpose, something to do with my time.

So you see, I should have been happy and I wasn't. I didn't even go on Twitter for four days because I didn't want to publicly whinge and moan about how grumpy and how shit about myself I was feeling. And me staying off Twitter for that long is virtually unheard of these days (in fact I really don't know how I'm going to cope with limited access in America - I just hope I find plenty of free WiFi), so it was definitely a sign of how bad I was feeling. Also, I found out on Wednesday that I will be going back to the school I did my first placement at for my probation year. And that wasn't exactly the news I wanted to hear. I did get on well with all the teachers there, but it's 45 minutes drive away, which is a pain. I'm not that bothered about the travelling time itself but it means I'll have to spend a lot more on petrol than I would if I was at a school nearer to home. And the school is in quite a deprived area, which is fine, but they also have no money, the buildings are falling down and they have hardly any resources, which all just serves to make my job harder.

But then on Thursday the cloud just seemed to lift. I know this sounds really clichéd but I actually did think of the line that Morgan Freeman's character Red says in The Shawshank Redemption (although also clichéd, it is one of my favourite films); 'Get busy living, or get busy dying'. And I decided I needed to have a strong word with myself, stop moping, and get busy living. There's nothing I can do about the school I've been given so I just have to make the most of it, and I'm going to show them how much I've changed since my first placement and that I am a good teacher. And I've only got another 11 days at home before I head off on my big trip and there's plenty to do in that time. Starting with painting the bathroom tomorrow.

And perhaps most importantly, I making a big effort to control my eating again. I'm not 'dieting' as such any more. Just trying to find a balance of eating good food, and things I like, and still maintaining this healthy weight I've worked so hard to achieve. I know there'll be hiccups along the way but I just need to really try not to let myself head down the road of eating uncontrollably whenever I feel a bit down.

I've got so much to be happy about, and to look forward to and to (mis)quote a certain Mr Tim Minchin - Some people have it a whole lot worse than I. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get busy living. And that's exactly what I intend to do.

Miscellany

2010-06-04T14:24:00.001+01:00

After last night's mammoth blogging session I think I've caught up on all the gigs I went to during my week in London but I did lots of other things too and thought they deserved a quick round up.

I had been staying at my brother's in Essex (it might be Essex but it is still handily on the Central Line) until Sunday but seeing as he was away in France and I had several late nights planned I had decided to splash out on a hotel for the remainder of my trip. So on Sunday I went and checked in to the hotel which was conveniently situated between Holborn and Russell Square tube stations. To kill some time before seeing Mark Watson that evening I went for a bit of a wander round the shops and to scout out a location for the following day's iPod handover.

After the Mark Watson gig on Sunday night I went back to the West End to meet up with some fellow Twitterers (Audrey: @aMeady, Jason: @mixmasterfestus (who I had met before), Louise: @magicnose and Charlie: @Charlie_w_). Meeting up with people I've only spoken to on the internet is becoming quite a common occurrence for me now but what was a bit unusual about this meeting was that I didn't actually follow Louise and Charlie on Twitter so I hadn't even spoken to them online before! However, they were all lovely and we had a few drinks before heading home.

Monday afternoon was the iPod handover, but with some time in the morning I actually managed to make it to the Grace Kelly exhibition at the V&A which I'd attempted to go to the last time I was in London, but it had sold out. I'm never to sure whether the exhibitions you have to pay for are going to be worth it, but it was only £4 with my (luckily still valid) student card. The exhibition is really just displays of Grace Kelly's clothes, and a film showing old news footage, but I liked it. I also found a new bit of the V&A that I hadn't seen before; the Theatre and Performance gallery, which I really liked. So a morning well spent.

After handing over the iPod that afternoon, I hung out with my friend Simone for a while which was lovely. I often go to comedy gigs with Simone but there isn't always much opportunity for talking so it was really lovely to have a proper chat. And we went to what is fast becoming my favourite place in London; Ed's Easy Diner, for milkshake and cheese fries. I can't wait to go to America at the end of this month just so I can find a genuine diner to satisfy all my milkshake cravings!

So that was Monday. On Tuesday, I made a bit of an error of judgement. We'd been having lovely weather, but Tuesday was grey and rainy. I decided to walk to the newly refurbished Museum of London but I had forgotten one vital piece of information; this week is half term. And it seemed half of the country's parents had decided that the Museum of London was an ideal place to take their noisy, rude, ill-mannered children on a rainy Tuesday in half term. Suffice to say my patience wore thin fairly quickly and I didn't spend quite as much time at the museum as I would have otherwise. Still, it looks like they've done a good job with the new galleries, and I might make another trip sometime...just not on a rainy day during the school holidays! (Although, seeing as I'm going to be a teacher, I'm pretty much going to have to do everything during the school holidays from now on. Arrgghhh!).

Anyway, after the museum, I walked down past St Paul's to cross the Thames at the Millennium Bridge and had a quick look in the Tate Modern. I walked from there right down the Southbank to Westminster Bridge (only stopping on route for some of my favourite apple crumble ice cream, which I've only ever seen at a little café under the OXO tower). From the Houses of Parliament I walked through St James' park, past Buckingham Palace, up Constitution Hill and right up the edge of Hyde Park to Marble Arch where I got the tube to White City and TV Centre. Walking all over London is something I've taken to doing on my last few trips and I really like it. That walk on Tuesday was 6 miles, and not only do you get to see lots of things you miss on the tube but that 6 miles goes some way to burning off all the milkshakes, ice cream and cider that I seem to consume on my trips to London. It's also really interesting when you start realising where places are in relation to other places. On Monday night I walked back to the hotel from Highbury and Islington, which as it turns out, isn't that far, and I never knew that before.

I continued the walking theme on Wednesday by walking up through Regent's Park to London Zoo. I don't know if I've ever been to London Zoo before, I think maybe I did when I was really little but I can't remember anything about it if I did. Now I know going to the zoo on a sunny day in half term perhaps seemed a little foolhardy after the museum experience but the difference was this time I was mentally prepared! And the zoo is big and outside so there is much less chance for the charming children to be annoying. So, the zoo was good - I especially liked the penguins and the meercats. And I was a little bit scared of the butterflies - pathetic I know, I just don't think I like flying things very much.

After the zoo I walked to Primrose Bakery where I bought....cupcakes of course! I couldn't resist trying the different varieties so I ended up with four, two of which became my lunch and two of which I barely remember eating when I was a little bit drunken after the Los Quattros Cvnts gig (I know, and so will you if you've read my blogs about being fat and the rest, that I'm meant to be controlling my eating and not binge eating...but with the walk to the zoo and back through Camden, and walking to the LQC gig and back I walked 8 miles on Wednesday and after the 6 miles on Tuesday I think I'm allowed a little cake. Perhaps not four cakes...but we'll work on that for next time!). Anyway, they were delicious!

So finally to yesterday; I'd originally booked my flight for 20.50, thinking I'd be staying at my brother's and he'd be able to take me to the airport after work. As it turned out I was tired and hungover and had to check out of my hotel at noon. So I decided just to head to Stansted and see if I could get on an earlier flight. With EasyJet, if you want to change a flight in advance, you have to pay any difference in the fare you paid originally and the current fare, plus a £25 amendment fee. However, if you just turn up early at the airport as long as there is room on the earlier flight, you don't have to pay anything at all! So I managed to get on the 15.50 flight which was much better and meant I could take a detour on the way home via the Tempting Tattie in Edinburgh to get a delicious baked potato for my tea. There seems to be a lot of talk about food in this blog, but seriously, if you're ever in Edinburgh you should definitely go to the Tempting Tattie on Jeffrey Street. Their potatoes are just about as good as baked potatoes come.

And now I'm home. I've got three weeks before I go to America and apart from a couple of jobs (painting my bathroom for one) I'm looking forward to doing not much of anything. I need to make sure my batteries are fully recharged because once I go to America I really don't stop until I start back at school on the 16th August. It's going to be one hell of a summer.

Los Quattros Cvnts - Summer Blockbuster Special

2010-06-04T02:18:00.002+01:00

Wednesday night was my last night in London and arguably the one I had been most looking forward to. Los Quattros Cvnts are Michael Legge and The Trap's Paul Litchfield, Dan Mersh and Jeremy Limb. This month they were joined by special guests Margaret Cabourn-Smith, Zoe Gardner and non-other than tiny Andrew Collins' sidekick, Richard Herring.

This was the second time I'd seen the Cvnts in action (and the first time all four of them had been there) having been to the April show which I blogged about here. I was glad I had made it to this 'Summer Blockbuster Special' as it was to be the last show before the Cvnts take a summer break, and once I start full time teaching mid-week trips to London are going to be pretty much out of the question.

The show saw the introduction of some new characters, the return of a few old ones, and the notable absence of some old favourites (Billy Sunday and the O'Flaherty Brothers for one). After a giggle-inducing air-guitar intro there followed a sketch about animal porn, or possibly animal vets from Michael and Jeremy which ended with some very groan-worthy puns from Jeremy. We were then treated to the return of Paul's erotic fiction writer Shaun Golsworthy - to be honest, his Devonian accent had me so transfixed that I completely lost track of what he was actually saying...but I definitely laughed, a lot.

Camp agony uncle Dr Party was replaced for the Summer Blockbuster by Michael channelling his inner Danny Dyer as Dr Pub, complete with England football shirt which was a very incongruous sight. I did miss Dr Party's dancing but Dr Pub 'advice' was very funny (although cockney Michael Legge is actually a little bit scary). The first half also saw Michael and Dan in an hilarious sketch about a David Mitchell app for iPhone which generates satirical comments based on news headlines (with excellent David Mitchell impression provided by Jeremy).

In the first half we were also treated to a sneak preview of Margaret Cabourn-Smith and Zoe Gardner's Edinburgh show which I'm sure I read somewhere is called 'TV - Live on Stage' but I'm struggling to find where I read that now. Anyway, we saw a series of TV 'shows' and 'commercial breaks' which were both slightly bonkers and very funny, and not to spoil things but the sketch ended with Margaret demonstrating her brilliant singing voice (and one of my favourite songs from a musical).

The final sketch of the first act built brilliantly as we were introduced to the less famous spouses of some well know Ladies and Lords - we had Lord Gaga and Lord Sovereign (Jeremy and Dan), Lord Marmalade unfortunately couldn't make it but Lord 'boy' (reluctantly played by Michael Legge) joined in the action. Then came Lady Voldemort and Lady 'of the Rings' (Margaret and Zoe) and finally special guest Richard Herring upstaged them all with his first appearance as King Latifah complete with gold crown.

After a brief interval there came a very funny sketch based on the 'Diary Wars' feature in Collins and Herring's Saturday morning 6 Music radio show. I really couldn't stop laughing as the Cvnts read more and more ridiculous entries from their 'genuine' 1985 diaries before they were finally joined on stage for a very funny conclusion by Mr Herring himself.

Richard then went on to deliver an excellent stand-up set, and having seen him a few times in the last 6 months I was very pleased to hear some different material, and I found the bit about the French for potato very funny indeed (mostly because the 'why is it called an apple of the ground?' conversation is one I've already had with kids several times even with my limited teaching experience!). Richard is going to be a very busy man in Edinburgh this year with his various solo shows and live podcasts and I'm hoping I manage to squeeze a bit of it all into my schedule.

So that was the show - and very funny it was too, just as I have come to expect from my favourite Cvnts. After the show, the drinking continued and it was lovely to see some of the podophiles there too. I'm just sad that it might be a long time before I can get to see Los Quattros Cvnts again.

(Photos by Michael Reeve)

Dave Gorman's Genius

2010-06-04T01:10:00.000+01:00

Right, I told you it was a comedy filled week...

On Tuesday night I met my brother and his wife at BBC Television Centre (which is pretty exciting in itself) for the recording of an episode of Dave Gorman's Genius. Once we got through the airport-like security scanners the excitement built even more when we discovered the frickin' TARDIS outside the main entrance! I am only a recent convert to the new Doctor Who but still, this was a thrill. And the excitement continued inside when we found more things to have our photos taken with...

There was quite a lot of waiting to be done in the 'Audience Foyer' before we were allowed into the studio and I was intrigued to discover what we would see there. Dave had mentioned on Twitter that they had made some changes to the format for this series so I wasn't sure what to expect. It turned out that rather than each episode showcasing five or six 'Genius' ideas there might be as many as twenty or thirty ideas looked at.

The potential Geniuses (or Genii - there was some discussion...) sit in a separate area of the audience around the central stage - and the rest of the audience (who probably won't even be seen in the final edit) are on raked seating at the back of the studio). Throughout the show various means and methods are used to select ideas to be heard (and some pre-decided ideas are looked at too) and then Dave and the guests vote on whether the idea, and its creator are genius or not genius.

Before the recording started the audience were warmed up by Rob Heeney - who I managed to put off his stride when he asked who in the audience thought they had travelled the furthest to be there. I put my hand up and it was only when he got a bit closer that he realised it was me and said 'Oh, it's Sarah, I know you. Hello. You came from Scotland.' He then spoke to my brother for a bit as he had only come back from France that morning.

The guests on the show were Shappi Khorsandi and Noddy Holder - a slightly unusual combination that worked very well together. Dave was on great form too, I really like his laid back style and there were a lot of funny moments, and some truly Genius ideas. My only criticism of the night was that it was looonnnng. I know TV recordings take a long time and I was expecting it to, but three hours is a really long time to be in a studio. And it is slightly difficult to maintain the same level of enthusiasm from start to finish. Still I'm glad we went, and just being at Television Centre and seeing the Doctor Who stuff was worth it! I'm not sure when the show is going to air but I'm looking forward to seeing the edited version, and the rest of the series too.

Mike and Andrew's Coalition Party

2010-06-04T00:35:00.001+01:00

In my continuing comedy filled week, on Monday night I went once more to the Hen and Chickens in Islington to see the third of Michael Legge and Andrew Collins' work in progress shows.

I had been to the first two work in progress shows in April and was looking forward to seeing if there had been any developments. Once again Michael and Andrew were doing half an hour each and once again Michael had a whole load of new material. There were some bits that he had done in the previous shows (including an extended, and hilarious rant about Sir Walter Raleigh's cape) and quite a lot of entirely new stuff. This time, Michael was working without script or notes, apart from a few scribbles on the back of his hand and he seemed more relaxed about it in a 'let's just see what comes out' way than previously. There were some very funny moments when Michael ended up heckling himself and a brilliantly funny tale of a trip to Ellis Island in New York to find out about his wife's Eastern European heritage.

Basically, there's nothing I can say that I haven't said before. I love Michael's shouty, angry stage persona (because we all know he's a lovely man in real life) and he did an excellent job of terrifying a man on the front row. This show; Curse Sir Walter Raleigh, and its tales of manners and their place in the modern world really is going to be a cracking hour. Michael is doing a preview of the full hour show on Tuesday 20th July at The Phoenix, Cavendish Square and I really would recommend you go along. Like I've said before, I just think it's a big shame that the audiences of Edinburgh are going to have to wait until 2011 to see this show.

After Michael's half hour (and a bit...he had one more bit he wanted to fit in and was encouraged from backstage by Andrew to carry on) tiny Andrew Collins took to the stage. Andrew seems to be getting more confident with his material and has added a bit more to his material about his ambitions related to birds, including his opinion on why there are so many pigeons on our streets (it's because we - yes all of us - can't eat muffins without dropping crumbs all over the pavement. And you know what, I think he's hit the nail on the head). And then of course it was time for Secret Dancing. After chickening out at the last two shows I actually volunteered this time, as did Michael Legge and fellow Precious Little podophiles Andy (@AndyMcH), Barry (@BarrySkellern; who had won his ticket to the gig on the podcast and travelled all the way from Manchester), Neal (@Neal55) and Yen (@MightyBlackout). In fact the Secret Dancing was entirely hijacked by Precious Little listeners! I tried out a few moves I'd been secretly practicing (the shoulder wipe and the 'pulling up the tights') and was delighted to receive a round of applause for both of them, and several compliments in the bar afterwards. Twenty years of dance classes were obviously good for something!

Andrew's show is going to be at lunchtime in Edinburgh and is part of the Free Fringe, so there's really no excuse for you not to go.

As I expected they would be, the thirty minutes from both gentlemen were excellent, and the night was completed by hanging out for drinks in the bar downstairs after the show - and getting to chat to Danny Wallace no less, who had come along to see the show. He even bought me a drink! I don't think I said anything too embarrassing and managed to contain my fangirlyness... It's nights like this one that seriously confirm that moving to London really is what I want to do.

If you don't already you can read Andrew Collins' blog here and Michael Legge's blog here. And you really should.

Mark Watson - Do I Know You?

2010-06-03T23:54:00.001+01:00

On Sunday evening I went to The Grove in Hammersmith for a preview of Mark Watson's new show 'Do I Know You?'. The gig was in a small room above the bar (seating about 40 people and reminiscent of the room at The Compass where Tiernan Douieb hosts Fat Tuesday). There is a regular Sunday night gig at The Grove organised by Corry Shaw of Foolhardy Comedy and I would certainly recommend you check out the upcoming Edinburgh previews and future line-ups.

I have seen Mark in many of his various television appearances (including a recording of We Need Answers), and of course experienced his expert hosting of last year's 24 Hour Show in Edinburgh, however I had never seen him do stand-up until Sunday.

For a preview, the hour long show was remarkably coherent and well structured. The title of the show 'Do I Know You?' refers to Mark's current state of being recognisable from his TV panel show (and advert) appearances but only to a certain audience, and the problems this brings in his day to day life, when he is never sure if people recognise him from the TV or just think they actually have met him before. There are some pretty personal moments, about the life of surely one of the hardest working performers in comedy in the show, but this works well with Mark's self-depreciating style and delivery.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable and very funny hour and I'm very much forward to seeing the finished show in Edinburgh (and probably again when it comes to Dunfermline as part of Mark's national tour in the autumn and into 2011). It's always interesting to see a show develop, although as I said the show is certainly well on the way to being fully formed. The only real evidence that this was a preview was that Mark seemed to have so much material he wanted to fit in he was talking at break-neck speed (something he commented on himself at one point) and there were a few moments where it was a struggle to keep up with his speeding brain, and tongue.

It always feels a bit special to see comedians in such intimate venues - as Mark mentioned on the night, he'll be doing the same show just down the road at the 3600 seat Hammersmith Apollo in December, and I really hope Mr Watson gets the audiences he clearly deserves.

Mark Watson's (slightly ridiculous) MP3 Challenge

2010-06-01T12:40:00.002+01:00

Regular readers will know about my efforts so far in this iPod saga - yes, I'm talking about the ridiculous nine hour round trip I made to Fort William so a boy could put a song on a memory stick. Well now my part done, I am no longer in possession of the iPod! After some email to-ing and fro-ing I met up with Simon (a fellow Watsonian and volunteer in the iPod chain) yesterday in a pub in Covent Garden for the handover.

It had turned out that three of the possible London links were people that I knew anyway and it would have been very easy to pass the iPod to one of them...but seeing as I had already made a nine hour round trip to see Seamus because it was 'in the spirit of the thing' that seemed a bit of a cop out. So Simon, being the most eager and crucially, available, of the possible linkees it was him that I met. Simone (who I already know) was able to join us too which was great and allowed us to get another track on the memory stick.

Meeting a random person off the internet can always be a little bit daunting (although I'm getting pretty good at it these days!) but Simon turned out to be a lovely chap - and I hadn't realised but he's the guy who is running the length of the Central Line for his TYSIC and in fact was off to run a section that afternoon. (See his blog http://tuberunner.blogspot.com for more info).

So there we have it. The iPod package is now Simon's responsibility and he is already making in roads into setting up the next link so good on him!

I've done lots of other things in the last couple of days including seeing Mr Watson himself at his Edinburgh preview, meeting even more lovely people previously only know from the world of Twitter and being one of the few people to attend all three of Michael Legge and Andrew Collins' work in progress shows. All of that was a lot of fun and I shall blog about it in more detail later, but for now I'll leave you with these photos of the handover.

Yesterday Only Happens Once A Year

2010-05-29T23:44:00.001+01:00

Yesterday was my birthday; 32 whole years old. I've only got another year to go until I match Jesus in the staying alive stakes. As usual I don't feel any older, in my mind I'm stuck at 26 anyway, and have been since, well since I was 26. I did realise that 32 was the age my Grandma was when my mum was born, which in 1942 was quite old to be having your only child. But then my mum was 35 when she had me, and in 1978 that was quite old too. It always makes me think that I've got plenty of time to have kids (if I even actually want them - more of that later).

So, I came down to London on Wednesday for a week of comedy and birthday celebrations, although on Wednesday morning it was still looking like I might not be able to come. You see, I was struck down by some weird infection last week. And there's a lesson to be learnt from my misfortune....don't squeeze spots, and if you must; don't keep picking the scab off. Because that's what I did and about two weeks after the initial squeezing the spot (on my neck, which may never have been a spot to begin with but more likely a swollen lymph node), suddenly showed signs of being massively infected. This was swiftly followed by a sore throat, and swollen lymph nodes in my armpits. So I took myself off to the doctors who vaguely diagnosed 'an infection' and possibly 'a virus', and prescribed antibiotics. So far so straight forward.

Until the next day when lumps started appearing around my eyes. These got bigger over the next 24 hours so on Monday morning I headed back to the doctors where my suspicion that I was allergic to the antibiotics was confirmed. (Over the weekend, with the help of 'the internet' I had diagnosed myself with everything from MRSA to lupus but it was nothing so dramatic). So away I went with a prescription for different antibiotics and hope in my heart.

But by Monday night I had bright red, very painful lumps all over my arms and legs, I could barely open my eyes due to the swelling and despite being under the duvet wearing a massive woolly cardigan and being hot to touch, I couldn't stop shivering. It was horrible. Mostly I really like living alone but it's times like this (and my recent fainting incident) that I really wish there was someone else there. I was on the verge of taking myself off to hospital but I managed to fall asleep and when I woke up a few hours later the fever seemed to have broken.

Tuesday was a day of pain and feeling sorry for myself - well so would you if you looked like this (--->) and most of your skin hurt to touch (oh yeah, I had all my hair cut off on Saturday - it looks a mess here but I love it). On Tuesday night I had the idea of using frozen peas on my eyes to reduce the swelling a bit which seemed to help but by Wednesday morning I was still looking a mess, the lumps on my arms and legs were as bad as ever and the infected spot on my neck still didn't seemed to have healed up completely. So I was in a bit of a quandary. It didn't really matter where I was ill, but I didn't want to be away from home if I was going to need to see the doctor again. So I called my friendly GP (who must have been getting a bit pissed off with me by now) who advised that the arm/leg lumps were probably related to the infection and/or mysterious 'virus' and I should just keep taking the antibiotics and I'd be fine. And do you know what, vague as his diagnosis was, he was right. By Thursday my neck had healed and my eyes were pretty much back to normal, and the arm/leg lumps were improving, and now, on Saturday they are almost gone completely. My immune system, it seems has finally won the battle.

Anyway, I was telling you about my birthday... yesterday I met up with my friend Carrie, who I have known since I was 16 and was best friends with through Sixth Form and university. I would still count her among my close friends, despite the fact that I hadn't seen her for about 3 years. I actually knew Carrie's dad before I knew her, he was my history teacher at school and I would say he is one of the teachers that inspired me to go into teaching myself. So as we know I come to London quite a lot and since Carrie now lives here too I decided it was about time to make the effort to see her. As I knew would be the case, despite not having seen each other for years we were immediately chatting away as if it had only been last week.

I was a little be worried that it would be different this time...because you see Carrie is now a grown-up. She got a great graduate job as a management consultant straight out of university while I was messing about living in tents in France, she got married 5 or 6 years ago (to the boy she had been going out with since she was 18 - he's a corporate lawyer), and they now live in fancy Islington with their 15 month old son and another baby on the way. To be honest, you couldn't get much further from my life! But I needn't have worried. Apart from it being a bit odd seeing 'Carrie the mum', she was just the same and we had lots to catch up on.

After having lunch at Carrie's flat we took Joseph out to the park where we met up with her 'mummy friends' as she called them. There were 4 young mums (and a nanny) who all had kids of the same age....and it was pretty bloody scary. I've mentioned before in this blog how I always assumed that I'd have children but if I'm ever around babies or toddlers it just makes me think that I just don't feel very maternal. Maybe that will change if I meet someone I want to have children with but at the moment it just doesn't feel very likely. Despite that (and having to have a conversation with one of the mums while she breast fed her walking, talking toddler child which was slightly uncomfortable - for me at least, she was fine about it) I had a lovely afternoon, I hope it's not as long until I get to see Carrie again.

I had more fun planned for the evening; I headed off to Camden to meet up with some of my new-fangled comedy pals for some dinner and to see a band they had recommended; The Popsocks. I had heard some of their stuff on the internets so I was looking forward to seeing them. The lead singer is writer/performer/director/comedian Stefan Golaszewski. I had previously only seen Stefan in the BBC 4 comedy sketch show Cowards, along with Tim Key, Tom Basden and Lloyd Woolf. Along with band mates Mike Toller, Guy Morgan and Jon Cook, The Popsocks play 'love songs you can dance to'. Their brand of bouncy pop music made for ideal birthday accompaniment and I even got a free CD. I'll definitely be seeing them again if I get the chance. In the meantime, they kindly send subscribers to their mailing list a link to a new song every week. You should visit their website and sign up the you can share the fun too.

So that was that, a lovely birthday and another year older. Today I did not much of anything at all in preparation for a busy few comedy filled days ahead. I shall endeavour to tell you all about it.

A letter to a future me

2010-05-23T08:40:00.000+01:00

Dear Sarah,

I'm writing this letter in the hope that you will read it in the future whenever you are struggling, or stressed, or worried and that it might help in some way.

First of all, I want you to remember what it felt like today. Today, when the scales were showing 9st 11lb and, when you'd had all your hair cut off and everyone was telling you how great it looked (while we at it, remember that; if you are undecided about having short hair...just do it, it really suits you). And remember how it felt to have just finished your teacher training course, and all the positive feedback you got from the teachers, telling you what potential to become a great teacher you had. Remember that feeling, because that's the feeling that you deserve to feel all the time.

And I know you won't feel like that all the time, but on those days when you are struggling to find the motivation to get out of bed, when you're wondering if teaching really is the right career for you, or when you feel guilty because you over-consumed then try and remember how you felt today. Remember the hard work it took to get there, and most of all, don't give up.

Please, please don't ever slide back into the downward spiral of self-destruction that over-eating brings. Think about how good it felt to buy those size 10 jeans for the first time in over a decade, think about how looking in the mirror is a pleasure, not a exercise in pain and criticism. Remember the promises you made to yourself and think before you eat. Don't deny yourself, but just remember that 'one more slice' will make a difference.

If you feel lonely, or like you're in this all alone, then remember your friends. Remember all the fun you've had, the comedy you've seen and the amount of time you've spent laughing. Remember those people, who maybe you aren't in touch with any more, but who were there to offer support and love whenever you needed it. You still have people like that, and don't forget to return the favour when those people need you.

Remember that playing the ukulele will always make you smile.

Mostly, just remember how lucky you are to have a happy, healthy family who support you in everything that you do (both emotionally and financially!), and don't be too hard on yourself. And always, always remember that whatever happened today and however crappy you feel, tomorrow is a new day.

I love you,

Sarah x

On being Fat (Part Two)

2010-05-15T20:29:00.000+01:00

Or, 'On not being Fat any more' as this blog should perhaps be called. Because I was fat you see, and now I'm not. In fact, a little under 12 months ago, at 12st 11lb with a BMI pushing 30 I was very nearly what they call obese. And I'm very sorry to all those fat people who don't agree with the categorizing and the labels but I was fat, and I decided to do something about it once and for all.

I've talked about my issues with my weight and food before and it is something I've struggled with for a long time. But 12 months down the line I now weigh under 10st for the first time since I was 19 – which is 13 (it seems, very long) years ago. I've been on a bit of a roller coaster to get here though. (Please note however, that I have not been, nor never will go, on a 'journey'). I lost 24lbs last summer but then I got to a point where, although I hadn't lost as much weight as I wanted to, I felt and looked so much better than I had (and I quit my job, and the Edinburgh Fringe arrived with all its opportunities for drinking delicious (and very calorific) pear cider, and eating chocolate crepes and giant baked potatoes) that I kind of gave up. I just thought, 'that'll do for now'. I let myself indulge in all things I'd denied myself for the two months before. I went a bit crazy...but I think I learnt a valuable lesson; I'm not very good with moderation, but, if I deny myself of something (mostly chocolate) for long enough then at some point I will crack and a raging beast will emerge screaming 'give me all the chocolate, and give it to me now!'

So, what happened? Over the summer I put about half a stone back on. No, problem I thought – I can fix that. But I didn't, I started at university and I went on my first, stressful, school placement, and I went right back to what I'd always done...I tried to fix myself with food and booze. Before I knew it I was back to eating a chocolate bar every day (and then some) and drinking every weekend. In fact, I was now drinking alone which I had never done before, but telling myself it was OK because I wasn't 'alone', I was in the company of my friends on Twitter. I was in a downward spiral again and I couldn't seem to stop. When I'm like that, and unfortunately I have been many times before, it's like I've pressed a self-destruct button. I'll go to the shops and buy a tub of ice-cream, and think 'well, if I'm having ice-cream I might as well have a family size bag of Maltesers as well'. Then I get home and think 'well, if I'm having Maltesers and ice-cream I may as well order pizza, and I can't just order pizza because they won't deliver, I'll get potato skins too, and while I'm at it I'll have a glass of wine, and I've opened the bottle now so I might as well finish it....' and so it continues. Until you find yourself 6 months down the line having put a stone back on and almost being right back where you started.

It was a situation I'd been in so many times before, but this time something was different. Maybe I had learnt something after all. Because every time I've lost weight in the past I've put it back on, and added a bit extra just for good measure. But this time, when I saw those scales head back over the 12st mark again, I said no. I wasn't going to let it happen again. So I went back to Lighter Life, tail somewhat between my legs, and I started again. I know (and I've said before) that a lot of people don't really agree with the concept of meal replacement diets but by god it works. With two shakes, a bar, and a meal of protein and vegetables every day it's really easy and it means you don't really have to think about food.

What I did this time, which has been a bit different is not follow the programme quite so strictly. For example, you are only supposed to drink water or tea/coffee, but I've been having diet drinks and sugar-free juice as well. And I've had quite a few breaks when I've been away from home and it's just been impossible to follow the programme. But during those times I've tried to stick to the principles as much as I can, and do as much walking as I can to make up for what I'm putting in my mouth. And all this has meant, that although it's maybe taken longer for me to lose the weight than it might have done otherwise, I don't feel I've denied myself. And crucially, I haven't put on any weight since I got back on the wagon in January. There have been a few weeks where my weight has stayed the same, but that's OK, because that is what I'm aiming for in the long term anyway.

The other thing about Lighter Life is the group therapy (for want of a better word) sessions that go with it. I've always been a bit cynical about things like this, and I still think that some of it is nonsense, but a lot of it is good stuff. It's not like WeightWatchers (or lots of other weight loss groups) where you are in a massive group and most of the discussion is about food, and how you can still try and fit the 'naughty' foods into your diet. Lighter Life looks more at the underlying issues to try and get to the bottom of how you ended up overweight in the first place, and how you can stop it happening again.

I mentioned in my last blog that something had happened last week at one of the group meetings that surprised me. We had been talking about over-consuming, about why we had done it in the past, and how we might have been feeling at the time. There had been quite a lot of specific talk about food, and things we had eaten. And I had been talking about a few days earlier when (despite what I've just said about not denying myself and so not cracking and going mental) I had lost the plot somewhat and eaten a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's. I don't know what being a crack addict is like, but I imagine it's a bit like what I felt like the night I virtually ran across the road to Asda in search of something to fill the hole in my tummy. Talking specifically about food is something Lighter Life tries to avoid, because it just makes you think about, and want to eat the things you've been talking about. So towards the end of the meeting, the counsellor (that's what they call the leader woman) wanted to do a little exercise to show how thoughts can affect us and she needed a volunteer. I was it. So I got up and she got me to put my arm out at shoulder height and told me to resist the pressure as she pressed down on it. I did. So far so good. Then she told me to say out loud ' I am a weak and vulnerable person' and to keep repeating it. Which I did, three or four times....and here's the weird bit. It felt really strange, I didn't like saying it. I was telling myself it was only words but I didn't like it. She told me to say it a few more times....and I started crying. It was so strange. I don't know why I was crying. They were just words, but maybe they struck something in me that thought they were true. The counsellor was really surprised too – she said she knew it was a powerful exercise but she'd never had anyone cry before. We carried on to the point of it, which is after saying the first statement, you do the arm thing again and you just can't resist at all. Then you repeat 'I am a strong and confident woman' over and over (like you mean it, as they kept telling me) until you do the arm thing again and can resist it again. So there we are. I never really believed stuff like that would work with me but a few simple words had the power to make me cry.

Which brings us to now. I said at the beginning of all this that my goal weight was 'anything with a 9 in it' but now I'm at 9st 12lb I actually want to lose a few more pounds. I want to be at the bottom of my 'safety zone' – this basically means I can fluctuate by a couple of pounds without ending up over 10st again. But I'm definitely happy with what I've achieved. I feel so much better about myself, shopping is fun again because I can go into any shop I want and know that a size 12 will just fit me which is just a brilliant feeling, I'm more confident, less self-conscious and all those other clichés, but then why wouldn't I? I look fucking hot!

I look like me again, or the image of me that I had in my head. I think I had some weird kind of reverse body dysmorphia. I know it's often seen in people with eating disorders who see themselves as fat when they are actually dangerously thin. But when I was fat, I still had a picture of myself in my head, and that person looked like I do now. I would look in the mirror and think I looked OK, and to be honest I mostly avoided having my photo taken because I knew that a camera would tell the truth. But like I say, now I look like me again....and that's the way I plan to stay.

Some things, and some other stuff

2010-05-14T17:55:00.000+01:00

So where was I? It's been a while...

I've been back on school placement for the last three weeks but to be honest it's been fairly stress free this time. I've only got another four teaching days to go and then I won't be back in a classroom until I'm starting my first actual teaching job in August (The Autumn term in Scotland starts in the middle of August – a concept which seems completely alien to me after a lifetime of English schools starting back in September – and it's also rather inconveniently in the middle of the Edinburgh Festival).

I can't quite believe I've actually nearly finished my course. Yesterday I passed my final university assessed lesson, I've still got one more school report to get but seeing as I'm at the same school as last time I can't see there being any problems there. And then there's just the small matter of another 3500 word assignment due in a week, but the plan is to get that written this weekend. And then, to the chagrin of many in full time employment, I get a two and a half month holiday before the real work starts. And it's going to be an action packed two and a half months!

I've got another week in London coming up at the end of this month (for comedy, of course, plus it's my birthday), then at the end of June I'm off to the USA for nearly three weeks (which I'm incredibly excited about), followed by another couple of nights in London, then Latitude festival, another few nights in London for some Edinburgh previews, then finally back home a month after I set off! After that I've only got a week at home before going to Scout Camp (slightly random I know, my Dad is a Scout leader and somehow I got roped into helping out – he asked at Christmas, I was drunk). And the Scout camp will segue directly into Edinburgh, where I'll be staying for the first week of the Fringe, despite only living half an hour away on the train. And then it's straight into school. See, I told you it was action packed. But I'm never going to get this long without having to work again so I'm making the most of it.

So that's what's to come....but what has passed? Last weekend, in the name of Mark Watson's ridiculous iPod competition I took a nine hour round trip to Fort William in the Scottish Highlands, to meet a young man, so he could put a song on a memory stick and write about why he chose that song in a small notebook. The memory stick and notebook will hopefully, eventually be filled with music by others around the country and will finally make their way to a lady in Essex who won an iPod in a competition on Mark's blog.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, last time I was in London I met Mr Watson in the Apple Store to purchase said iPod and memory stick and I brought it back up to Scotland. The theory was that the iPod would make it's way around a chain of I think 70-odd people before finally ending up with the winner. However, these things never quite work out how you think they will. As it turned out there were six people in Scotland who had volunteered to join the chain and add a song – being in possession of the iPod I somehow got tasked with trying to co-ordinate these people to meet. Which is slightly difficult given the size of Scotland (it really is quite big!) and the fact that most of the people are young students without the cash or the ability to travel very far from where they actually live. To be honest I got a bit pissed off with the whole thing at one point but I'm no quitter and I couldn't just take the iPod back to London without at least trying.

In this iPod chain of 70 people there were six people who had been finalists in the competition and part of the point of the chain was to make sure it passed through these people before getting to the eventual winner. And just to make things a little bit more difficult one of the finalists was a Scottish school boy who lives to the west of Fort William – about as far away from where I live on the east coast as you can get! So after a few emails backwards and forwards it became clear that the only way the iPod was going to get to Seamus was if I took it there myself. Of course, he could have just emailed his song choice to me and I could have put it on the memory stick from the comfort of my own sofa...but that kind of misses the point of the whole thing. So last Saturday I took the 120 mile trip to Fort William, where I met up with Seamus for about half an hour, then I drove the 120 miles home again. And, yes it really did take nine hours door to door. Still, it was a lovely sunny day and the scenery in that part of the world is spectacular. And I did get much appreciation in Mark's blog for my efforts. I think I've done my bit now, and seeing as the other Scottish people are spread from Aberdeen to Glasgow, I don't think I'll be meeting up with anyone else before I take the iPod back to London, to pass it on to the next section of the chain, and thankfully it will no longer be my responsibility!

On a related note, you may remember I set myself some goals as part of Mark's Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge...and so a quick update;

On weight loss/maintenance – I now weigh just under 10st for the first time since I was 19 (back in 1997 – in fact about the same time that as a fresh faced young student I was getting excited that I'd played a small part in getting the New Labour government into power, and was full of hope and expectation....and now look where we are, it would be ironic if it wasn't so depressing). I still want to lose a few more pounds so I can get to the bottom of my 'safety zone' as they like to call it at my weight loss class things. And then the very much more difficult task of maintaining that weight starts – especially with the amount of travelling I'll be doing in the next few months. That said, I managed to stay the same weight after my last week in London, despite not being on my diet plan at all, so it is possible. Something happened at my weight loss class last week which surprised me quite a lot, but I think I'll save that for another blog.

On becoming a fully qualified teacher and moving to London – I am getting closer everyday. See above.

On visiting the Antipodes – this one is on hold until such a trip is practical (possibly in a couple of years)

On playing the ukulele – I am getting better, I think. I've been to a couple more meetings of Monday Ukearist and I'll be going again soon. And I recorded a few more videos and put them on YouTube. You can see them here. And my favourite one is here....just down there....

All in all I'd say my TYSIC is going well for now, and we're only a few months into the ten years so there's plenty of time yet.

Another mammoth blog from me – thanks again for sticking with me, and I will try and update my adventures with a little more regularity in future...there's certainly going to be a lot to tell.

Did I mention that I love you? Especially you.

Daniel Kitson - 66a Church Road

2010-05-03T11:25:00.000+01:00

Daniel Kitson is renowned in the comedy world for his brilliant, often long and rambling stand up. There are very few people who would have a bad word to say about the famously publicity-shy comedian and after my third experience of Kitson in action I'm not about to be the first.

66a Church Road, however, is not a stand-up show. It is more a one man, autobiographical, play based around the longest relationship that Kitson has ever had. A relationship, not with a woman, but with a flat. The show is subtitled 'A Lament, Made of Memories and Kept in Suitcases' and those nine words describe the show better than I ever could.

I saw 66a Church Road at the final of four performances at The Tron theatre in Glasgow. This theatre, in a former church, was a perfect venue, with steeply raked seating allowing the audience a clear view of the stage; a stage set with a large Persian rug, a variety of old trunks and suitcases and lit from above by a a cosily shaded living room light, and intimate enough to allow Kitson to talk without the encumbrance of a microphone.

A hush fell over the audience when a surprisingly beardless Daniel Kitson took to the stage and settled on to its solitary chair, and we were enthralled by the wonder of his storytelling for the next ninety minutes. This show tells the story of Daniel's six years living at 66a Church Road, it is by turns happy, sad, funny, tragic and nostalgic. The story is interspersed with recorded memories and, loathe as I am to use the word, it really does take you on a journey. As Daniel himself said this is a break up show, for his flat. And as that subtitle suggests, it is a lament for a lost love, and the memories of a home.

66a Church Road continues to tour the UK and if you can get your hands on a ticket I would urge you to see it while you can.

Happiness is....

2010-04-22T11:37:00.000+01:00

Happiness is....well what, exactly. Is anybody ever truly happy? Do we even know what it means to be happy?

This is a question that I've been pondering quite a lot in the last month or so. As you will know if you've read my last few blog posts I've been very busy over the last three weeks. I've done lots of things that have been a lot of fun; I got to see lots of my friends, and favourite comedians and laughed until my tummy hurt. I got to see my two best friends get married and I got to hang out with my brother.

All these things are good things, and things that make me happy. But these are just moments of happiness, amongst all this were other moments when I felt sad or annoyed or lonely or just not quite content with my situation or the world around me. Surely everyone feels like this though? Is there anyone out there who can say they are truly happy with everything about their life? And I suppose the question is, would you want to be? If you were happy with every aspect of your life then what would there be to aim for? In the words of the brilliant Oscar Hammerstein 'You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how you going to have a dream come true'. (On the subject of dreams and whether or not we should have them, you really should have a read of this blog by the lovely, and talented, Chasity Flyte). Perhaps you have to have the other moments, of feeling sad, or angry or just plain miserable, in order to appreciate the times when you really are happy.

So am I happy? I think so, most of the time. This time last year, I wasn't happy with the way my life was going. I had a boring job, which more importantly, didn't actually pay me enough to live on, I was fat, and it felt like my life was going nowhere. And that was when I decided to take the leap on to my teacher training course. It was probably one of the biggest decisions of my life and if I'm honest, I'm still not entirely sure it was the right one. Only time, and experience of teaching in the real world is going to tell me that. But it's going to give me the opportunity to move to London which I might not have had otherwise (or at least it would have been a lot more difficult), and at last, after 10 years of drifting along, I will actually have a career, rather than just a job. And fortunately, one that pays me enough and gives me enough time off to do all the other things that make me happy. And as regular readers will know, I've dealt with the being fat part too - although that is an ongoing challenge and will be for a long time to come. As I've said before, I knew that losing weight would make me happier, but I also knew it wasn't the magic fix to all my problems. What losing weight does is mean that I can't blame anything else on being fat, I have to deal with the root of the problem.

I love the little things in life that can make a person happy; for me it's things like getting a compliment from a friend, or being told that I missed when I'm not there, or driving along singing as loud as I can to one of my favourite songs, or playing my ukulele, or reminiscing with my brother about stupid things we did when we were kids, or staying up late, drinking booze and watching action movies with my Dad, or more recently, being thanked by the kids at school when they realise I'm not going to be teaching them any more. These are all the things that make me happy. And of course there are the bigger things too, like being lucky enough to own my own flat and affording to live here, and having a family who are healthy, and having some great friends and all those other clichés.

Then there are the things that make me mad; some of them little things, like my neighbour taking my parking space, or people cancelling on me at the last minute, or people who wander aimlessly down busy streets. And the bigger things like the fact that our country is going to hell in a hand cart and so many people don't vote because they think it's not their problem. Or the fact that children are being brought up to believe in gods that don't exist (if adults want to believe then that's entirely up to them, but it makes me so mad that so many children aren't given a choice).

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I don't think anyone can say, with utmost certainty, 'I am happy'. We need all the crappy stuff to balance it out. And that's what it is about; balance. I'm sure someone has come up with an equation, but I reckon if I'm happy 75% of the time, I'm taking that one as a win. I'd be really interested to hear what other people think about this... Are you happy? What do you think happiness is? And can anyone ever really be happy all the time?

Show me the way to go home

2010-04-20T19:24:00.001+01:00

Right, where were we? Oh, that's right, last Thursday I had been to London Comedy Improv and had a weekend of gigs ahead. And that is what surely came to pass. On Friday I went to Popcorn Comedy at The Tabernacle in Notting Hill. The venue is really cool, if you get chance to see anything there you really should. Popcorn Comedy is a night of films, video clips and live comedy combined. The live acts on this evening were Anna & Katy (who were in the Tom Basden play Party, which I've mentioned before), Tom Basden himself and David Cross who is perhaps most well known for appearing in the US series Arrested Development. I really enjoyed all the acts and films (The Onion - Sony piece of shit , and Misery Bear were two of my favourites).

On Saturday I was spending some quality time with my brother and sister-in-law. I always feel a little bit guilty that I treat their flat like a hotel, I come and stay but go out without them every night. So Saturday was just for hanging out with them. First up we went to Daylight Music at Union Chapel in Islington. These events are free and happen every Saturday and if you're ever looking for something to do of a Saturday lunchtime in London you should check it out. We had missed the first act but arrived just in time to see Jo Rose (look him up on Facebook or MySpace). Jo played guitar and has a great voice but his melancholic songs were all a bit too similar for me. He has only just started performing as a solo artist so maybe his style will develop in time.

Next up were 'baroque chamber pop' five piece The Miserable Rich (www.themiserablerich.co.uk). The group features a double bass, cello, violin, acoustic guitar and a lead singer who also plays snare drum and other percussion. I really liked The Miserable Rich (despite trying not to freeze in the very cold Union Chapel) and will definitely be keeping an eye out for them playing again.

After the music and some lunch we walked to Brick Lane in the sunshine where I finally got to go to ukulele shop Duke of Uke. I didn't buy anything but it was very tempting- I mean just look at them all!

A wander round Brick Lane and Spitalfields and a delicious pint of cider later, and we were on the tube back to Essex where we went out for dinner and I stayed up too late, drinking too much wine and having a lot of fun with my brother. I speak to Mark every week or so but I do love spending time with him. It's funny, whenever we meet up we always have tons of stuff to show each other and can spend hours on the internet going 'look at this', 'yeah but have you seen this?'. It's a lot of fun.

Sunday and Monday I went to the work in progress shows of Michael Legge and Andrew Collins at the Hen & Chickens back in Islington. They were only doing half an hour each and Michael clearly has so much more material than he needs for an hour show. On the two evenings the material was almost entirely different and he still has stuff he didn't get round to. It's such a shame that Michael isn't taking this show to Edinburgh until 2011 because it's going to be a corker. We all know I'm a big fan of Michael's blog (www.michaelleggesblog.blogspot.com), the Precious Little Podcast which he co-hosts and the sketch comedy he does as one quarter of Los Quattros Cvnts. He really is a talented man (who hopefully won't read this because we really shouldn't encourage him!) but somewhat surprisingly this will be his first solo show. As anyone who knows Michael's work would expect there is a lot of shouting involved and eventually it will be about his obsession with good manners and the arguments this has got him into, and where this obsession came from, and just why Sir Walter Raleigh is to blame. Whatever happens, I have no doubt it's going to be brilliant and I'm looking forward to seeing it in the next stage of development.

I was also delighted that I finally got to see Andrew Collins' Secret Dancing. I'm sure most readers of this blog will know Andrew from the Collings and Herrin podcast and from his work on 6 Music. Now Andrew never claims to be a comedian he is a writer and presenter and broadcaster, and as such I think it's very brave of him to take a comedy show to the Edinburgh Fringe, which can have perhaps one of the toughest crowds in the the world. After a bit of preamble/observational comedy we got to the reason we were all there, the Secret Dancing. This is a method Andrew has developed for dancing on public transport without anyone realising you are doing it. He demonstrated the moves and then got an audience volunteer to come and join him on stage...and it's very funny! I'm really looking forward to seeing the full hour in Edinburgh and after chickening out this weekend I'll definitely be volunteering to do some Secret Dancing myself.

Take a breath, we're almost there. I was supposed to fly home today, but thanks to the current volcanic ash disruption I'm currently on a train heading north. I'm not too bothered, I'm just glad it has been relatively easy for me to get back, unlike the problems that lots of people are having. There is only one mild inconvenience (apart from it costing me four times as much for the train ticket as I will get refunded from my cancelled flight) is that I realised hours after booking the train all the way to the station across the road from my house that my car is still at the airport! And I have to get it tonight because I'm picking up my new car in the morning. In the grand scheme of things though, that's not much to have to deal with.

Lastly, I met up with comedian Mark Watson at the Apple Store today so he could buy an iPod to give to me, as the first link in a chain of about 70 people who will all add a song before the iPod eventually makes its way to the person who won it in a competition on Mark's blog. It was pretty cool, and you can read more about it at www.markwatsonfans.com/forum

And here is the moment of handover -

And there we are, another epic blog I'm afraid. I'll be back to earth, and school, with a bump on Monday for four weeks of hard work. Then my course will be over and, barring disaster or breakdown between now and then, I'll be a qualified probationer teacher and my summer of fun will start. I just hope this volcano takes a look at itself and calms down before my holiday to America at the end of June. It did erupt for a year the last time apparently so it's not as far fetched as it sounds.

I'm in Edinburgh now, and on the last bit of the journey to pick up the car so I'll leave it here. I still love you by the way. Well, except for him of course.

Where Am I?

2010-04-16T15:02:00.000+01:00

I've had a hectic couple of weeks. I've reached that point where I wake up in the morning and I'm not quite sure where I am. It's a little bit disconcerting and I'm really not looking forward to getting back to reality when I go back to school a week on Monday. As regular readers will know I spent the Easter weekend on a camp site in Shropshire with my parents. I hadn't seen them since Christmas so it was great to spend some time with them (and to show off my new slimline figure). Sleeping in the caravan awning and being woken up at 6.47am every day by the dawn, and the sound of a dozen guinea fowl outside; not so much fun. I went from camping, to a night in a London hotel on Wednesday, then back to Shropshire where I was staying in weddingland for four days.

As I think I've mentioned before, I was to be a bridesmaid for my best friends Claire and Dave. They live near me in Dunfermline, but were getting married in the town in Shropshire where Claire grew up and where her parents still live. So, I arrived at Claire's parents' house on Thursday and the preparations began... On Thursday we (that is Claire, me, the other bridesmaid Tara, and Claire's mum) got spray tanned. I've never had one before and was a bit scared. And standing naked apart from paper pants while a complete stranger literally spray paints you doesn't do a lot for your sense of dignity. But it turned out OK, we were definitely only golden and had escaped the Oompa Loompa effect - apart from Tara having a small finger incident which made her look like she'd been smoking 40 a day since the age of 3.

The two nights I stayed at the parents of the bride's house I was sleeping on the floor of Claire's childhood bedroom. And even though we didn't meet until we were in our twenties, it felt very much like a teenage sleepover. Which was fun, but not especially comfortable and lead to a couple more very early starts. On Friday we began the logistical conundrum of getting all the things, people and cars in the right place for the big day, and the pampering continued with manicures and pedicures - again both things that I'd never done before. My experience was fairly uneventful but Claire got a bit of a shock when the lady doing her nails informed her that her Grandma (who died 6 months ago) had just walked into the room, and proceeded to, in a stereotypical old lady voice, tell her 'not to worry if it rains tomorrow dear, April showers are good luck'. Seriously, what the fuck is that all about. I really don't know what I would have done had I been in Claire's position - she took the option of nodding and smiling at the crazy woman. I'm not sure I could have been so polite...although she did do a very good job of Claire's nails. Perhaps a little craziness is the price you have to pay for a good manicure these days.

Saturday dawned bright and sunny, and we considered putting bets on exactly how many times Claire would be told 'well, you certainly got the weather' through out the day. We headed off to the hairdressers for the final preening. I had my fake hair put in and intricately put up. It looked really cool but my hair piece is a sort of half a wig that covers the back of my head and I'd forgotten just how hot it is. It was like wearing a woolly hat - not ideal when it's 20 degrees outside! We had our make up done to - which was great, even if I did take all the foundation off when we got in and it would have looked the same if I'd have done it myself, but still that's what Claire wanted...and I wasn't paying! We had bucks fizz and croissants at the hairdresser too which was cool. Although I knew I had to stand up all the way through the ceremony so I was being careful with the booze - a swaying bridesmaid can be a little distracting during the vows. Back at the house we got our dresses on and the photographer arrived and took a few pictures in the back garden, then we were on our way to the church.

Now as we know, I am very far from religious but this wasn't my wedding so I sang the hymns and said my amens and tried to stifle a few yawns and giggles throughout. But it was lovely, and I was very happy to see my friends finally tying the knot after seven years together. For me though, the best and most touching part of the whole thing was the poem read by our friend Pete.

After the trip in the wedding car (possibly the only one I'll ever make) we arrived at the hotel and we finally got a chance to speak to all our friends who had been at the hotel since the night before. It was lovely to see everyone - there were quite a few people we used to work with in France and some of whom I haven't seen for 10 years. The meal and the speeches were great - I especially like Claire's Dad's opening line 'Speeches are like children; they're a lot easier to conceive than to deliver'. I'm sure it's straight out of 'Father of the bride speeches 101' but I liked it.

So that was that, there was booze and dancing and catching up. I had the pleasure of helping Claire go to the toilet, a duty I'm sure every bridesmaid has to perform, and I had to perform emergency dress repairs with a kilt pin at 11pm. At 12.30 I was in the hotel bar in jeans and a t-shirt, with my fake hair gone and my glasses back on. I didn't really get very drunk (apart from a bit of a wobbly moment towards the end of the meal) and I had a lot of fun. I had a bit of a melancholic moment towards the end of the night when I realised that I was one of the only single people there. This has been the case for me for a long time now, but occasionally it just hits me that it would be nice to have someone to share things with. Luckily though, my virtual friends were all on hand to cheer me up.

On Sunday I drove up to my parents' house (you see what I mean about not even knowing where I'm waking up any more?) for a pit stop before driving the rest of the way home on Monday. It also meant I could get all my washing done and use my mum's tumble dryer so I wouldn't have loads to do when I got home. On Tuesday I decided to go and buy a new car because I've had mine too long and it's due its MOT soon, which I'm fairly sure it's going to fail spectacularly. So I did a trawl of Dunfermline's many car dealers and within four hours I'd done the deal on a three year old Renault Clio. I don't know why people spend so long trying to find a car. It's just a car. I used my funny and my feminine wiles (by which I mean smiling nicely, not having sex) to get a decent deal on part exchange from the young car salesman and that was that. I pick it up on Wednesday.

Then finally on Wednesday I flew down to London. I'm staying with my brother and sister-in-law for a week to see some more comedy; surprising I know. I went to London Comedy Improv on Wednesday night which was a lot of fun, I wish I could go more often. I've got gigs to go to tonight and Sunday and Monday, and then hopefully, volcano permitting, I'm flying back up to Scotland on Tuesday.

So there we are. My busy, busy life. Which makes me even more sure that I really do want to move to London after my teacher probation year. And which also brings us to a quick TYSIC update (if you don't know what I'm talking about have a look here)

on the maintaining my weight front, I've done pretty well despite being away from home for the last two weeks, and in situations where I would have eaten and drunk too much in the past. I've maintained the same weight, give or take a pound or two, without obsessing too much about what I should and shouldn't eat or drink, so I'm taking that as a win for now.
on teacher qualifying things, I've been on holiday so haven't done anything. But I find out on Wednesday if I passed my second assignment and then it's back to school for my final placement.
ukulele playing has been a bit thin on the ground lately but I am still playing and planning on going to the next Monday Ukearist in Edinburgh next week.

Another long ramble from me, I will try do some review blogs when I finally get back to my own house and things return to some semblance of normality. Thanks for sticking with my folks. I love you all. Especially you.

Los Quattros Cvnts

2010-04-11T17:36:00.000+01:00

Once upon a time there were three men and their names were Paul Litchfield, Dan Mersh and Jeremy Limb. Together, these three men were known as The Trap and they liked to record themselves talking about silly things and then let other people listen. Sometimes they let people laugh at them in real life too. The Trap had a friend called Michael Legge, and people sometimes paid him money so they could laugh at his face. One day, Michael and The Trap decided that it would be a good idea to ask people to come once a month and laugh when they say silly things. So they did. And people came. And because they had to put something on a poster, and because The Trap and Michael are all cunts they decided that they should call themselves The Four Cunts. But because cunt is a naughty word and some people might not be happy if they had to read it on a poster, Michael and The Trap decided they should be called Los Quattros Cvnts. Mostly because the Spanish would confuse the normal people and then only idiots would come and see them, and it would be easier to make them laugh.

So that's the story of how Los Quattros Cvnts came to be, and why then I found myself back in London to see their latest show last Wednesday. Actually, the title was a bit misleading this month as Jeremy Limb was off cruising round the Carribean and so absent from proceedings. However, Los Tres Cvnts along with special guests Bennett Arron and Jeremy Lion (Justin Edwards) certainly delivered enough comedy and entertainment for the packed room downstairs at The Phoenix. This was the first time I'd seen the Cvnts in action (having made the trip to London for the February gig which was subsequently cancelled) but being a regular listener to the Precious Little podcast and a somewhat less regular listener to The Trap Sodcast I had already heard a lot about it. I'm not going to give a blow by blow account of the evening, because frankly, it was five days ago and I've been at a wedding since then, and my memory is rubbish...but you can read the full details of what went on in Nicola's excellent blog here.

Instead, I'll just offer you a few of my highlights from the evening; Michael Legge as reluctant Irish folk singer Billy Sunday was brilliant, along with Paul Litchfield and Dan Mersh as the O'Flaherty brothers. In my opinion there is not much funnier than an angry Michael Legge, whether as himself or a character in a lovely knitted coat. Historical re-enactment Cvnts style was also very funny, with special mention going to Paul Litchfield's French accent. The Improv sketch was hilarious, with the Cvnts taking more and more suggestions, from the audience, which got more and more ridiculous, before finally using them to produce a scene that was barely two lines long. Both special guests also made appearances in first half sketches but for me the show was well and truly stolen by the dancing of Michael Legge's camp agony uncle; Doctor Party.

I enjoyed the stand up set from Bennett Arron in the second half which was mostly based on his Welsh-Jewish heritage but as Nicola mentioned in her blog, Bennett did seem slightly uncomfortable about being there - perhaps a Cvnts audience is not like the ones he is usually used to?

Bennett was followed by Jeremy Lion, an alcoholic children's entertainer who is the creation of comedian Justin Edwards (who I saw performing Elton John's 'Tiny Dancer' with his tiny girlfriend Lucy Porter at the Edinburgh Karaoke Circus). I had looked up Jeremy Lion on YouTube before the evening as I'd never heard of him before and watched part of his version of The Twelve Days of Christmas. To be honest from the YouTube clip I wasn't that impressed and wasn't really sure what I would think of Justin's act in the flesh. As it turns out, you should always believe the impression YouTube gives you because watching Jeremy Lion drink his way through ten bottles of booze for his 'environmental' take on Ten Green Bottles was hilarious! I know some of the drinks were fakes but I still don't know how Justin is going to keep that up every night of the Edinburgh Fringe without doing himself some serious damage.

All in all I had a great night and it was lovely to meet some more of the Precious Little podophiles and catch up with others who I haven't seen for a while. As ever, it was delightful to see Michael and the other Trap boys (although it was a shame Jeremy wasn't there, but I actually managed to speak to Dan this time) and I'm looking forward to seeing them again at the June Los Quattros Cvnts gig.

Los Quattros Cvnts perform on the first Wednesday of every month at The Phoenix, Cavendish Gardens. If you're in London you really should go along. And if you aren't, then get on a bloody train (or a plane if you're me) and go anyway. I will be.

Adventures in space and time: Part 1

2010-04-05T17:30:00.001+01:00

OK, just a quick disclaimer to begin; I'm writing this blog on my phone so I'm going to try and keep it brief but I wanted to do a quick update on my adventures so far before I start to forget it all.

The fun started on Thursday night when I went to see Derren Brown at the Edinburgh Playhouse with my friends Claire and Dave (the ones who are getting married at the weekend). We had booked the tickets ages ago so despite being a fairly expensive £30 each, it was almost like it was free! I love booking things a long time in advance to achieve this effect. I've seen quite a few of the things Derren has done on TV and I had had lots of recommendations from people who had seen the show so I was really looking forward to it. And I was sat on the end of the third row in the stalls so I was secretly hoping I might get picked to do something, but no such luck. The show was predictably brilliant, especially the last 15 minutes. After the show I set off on my journey south (to get to London the next day) and spent most of the drive just thinking 'but how did he do that?!'.

On Friday I set off from the Days Inn at Abington Services on the M74 (I really was living the dream) and drove down to Wolverhampton where I left my car and got a train into London. It sounds complicated but it really was the most sensible way of doing the journey.

After managing to resist the Krispy Creme doughnuts at Euston station and checking into my hotel I headed further south to the Cavendish Arms in Stockwell for An Event of Some Kind, hosted by the Junior Ministers. This was the second AEOSK that I had been to and I was delighted I'd managed to make it to this 1st birthday special, and that so many of my friends were there too. After an introduction by Junior Ministers themselves the first act of the night was Pippa Evans as her alter ego Loretta Maine, a trailer trash, drinking, swearing singer. I loved the character Pippa has created, both the songs and stand up hitting the nail right on its comedy head, and I hope I have a chance to see more of her work soon.

Next up was Australian singer songwriter Emi Green, accompanied by Noisy Fred on guitar. Emi has a great bluesy voice and I really enjoyed her short set.

Following some flip chart based fun from H Anthony of the Junior Ministers, the second half was brought to a rousing close by 6 Day Riot. This four piece play fantastic folky, uplifting tunes and they were one of the main reasons I has made the trip. I've seen 6 Day Riot live once before and own both their albums and after the previews of some new songs we got on Friday I can't wait to get hold of their third album which will be released in June. Not only do the produce great tunes but Tamara who fronts the band is possibly one of the coolest ladies I've ever met, and one of the reasons I started playing ukulele!

The second half brought another great set from Emi Green, more from Junior Ministers and then the man that a lot of the audience had come to see, one Mr Tim Minchin. Now Tim is able to fill theatres and concert halls when he tours the chance to see him performing in the back room of a pub in South London doesn't come around very often. It was lovely to see Tim having so much fun with the audience and we were treated to the Easter Song, which he wrote 12 years ago before he 'thought anyone would listen' to his music. We then had The Good Book; continuing on the God theme, and finally a rendition of the beat poem Mitsubishi Colt backed by Ed and Dan of 6 Day Riot on double bass and drums. It really was a whole heap of fun!

The evening unfortunately had to come to an end at some point but not before another set from 6 Day Riot, which had the whole audience singing along. Tim then joined Tamara on stage for an acoustic cover of the Crowded House song Four Seasons In One Day which was a joy (and demonstrated Mr Minchin's guitar playing skills which we don't often see) and last but by no means least all the acts from the evening joined Junior Ministers on stage for a riotous performance of their wonderful song Bounce.

It really was a great evening at this lovely, friendly gig, made even better by the company of friends who don't manage to all be in the same place at the same time often enough. Everyone hung around for a drunk after the gig and we got a chance for a quick chat with Tim which doesn't happen very often these days. He even offered to write a song for me! I was saying I was looking at new cars and had seriously considered a Mitsubishi Colt, but then decided it would just make me laugh too much so Tim offered to write me a song about whatever car I wanted to buy! Now that would be something.

The night ended with a trip on a night bus, which is never much fun, especially when you miss the stop because you are so engrossed in conversation. Thanks must go again to Kate, who seems to have become my resident night bus guru.

On Saturday I ran the gauntlet of Krispy Kreme temptation again to get the train back to Wolverhampton where I picked up my car then drove to to campsite where my mum and dad were already staying. And that's where I am now, sat in a caravan where there is no mobile signal, but magically is WiFi. And that's pretty much my adventures so far. Another couple of days here, back to London to meet up with some other Precious Little podophiles for Los Quattros Cvnts with The Trap and Michael Legge, then back to Shropshire for wedding fun. Blimey, it's proving to be one hell of an Easter Holiday!

Trials and Tribulations

2010-03-30T18:09:00.001+01:00

It's the end of March and it's snowing in Scotland. That doesn't sound too out of the ordinary, but last week spring was all around us and I had my first hayfever symptoms of the year. What is going on with this crazy world we live in?

Anyway, I've had a fairly eventful couple of days as far as these things go. On Friday night I went out with the teachers from my placement school. They are all language teachers (mostly French teachers) and had chosen to go to a French restaurant...now is it just me or is that a bit wanky? As it turned out it was pretty good fun and no-one really spoke French to the restaurant staff so that was OK. Now, as regular readers will know I've been on a weight loss mission since Christmas; I've now lost 25lbs and only have a few more pounds to lose before I get to my target weight. So, I knew I would probably end up eating stuff I shouldn't on Friday, and drinking as well, but I was hoping this would be the first step towards my new goal of trying not to do things to excess as I had in the past, and to manage my eating in a healthy way (both physically and mentally).

It would seem, however, I still have a way to go. To be fair, I didn't do too badly at the restaurant with my choices although I did have three courses when two would have done. I didn't drink too much either (I think 3 or 4 small glasses of wine and a pint of cider, which is fairly moderate for me). The problem came when I got home. With a bit of booze inside me I was craving chocolate and lacking willpower. I managed to walk straight home from the train station without calling in the garage for supplies, but then when I got in I remembered the unopened box of After Eights from Christmas... and I ate half the box in one sitting. I was so disappointed with myself even as I did it. Given half a chance I'd gone back to shovelling chocolates in my mouth without even thinking about what I was doing. So much for moderation. It seems I'm not yet capable of controlling my eating when something is right in front of me. If it's not there at all I'm OK, so I guess that's what I'll have to stick with for now.

It gets worse though...on Saturday night my friend Claire came round for an evening of watching rubbish TV and chat. We had chicken stir fry which is very healthy, but then she'd brought Caramel Bunnies and Malteser Bunnies too. They were delicious and if I hadn't eaten so much the night before it might have been OK, but then Claire went home and I decided I might as well polish off the rest of the After Eights because I was going to end up eating them all eventually anyway. And it's that attitude that got me in this mess in the first place.

Anyhow, I'm back on track now and I'm not going to beat myself up about it - I think I've got away with not gaining any weight this week (although I haven't lost any) - but I've just proven to myself that I've still got a long way to go in this battle and I'm going to slip up along the way before I find my way for the long term.

My weekend took a turn for the even weirder on Sunday when I woke up at about 8.30am with excruciating pain in my tummy. I went to the bathroom where I came over with cold sweats and managed to pass out, tipping forward off the toilet and banging the crap out of my knee, and bumping the top of my forehead in the process! I came to lying on the bathroom floor on top of the bucket I'd been holding because I thought I might be sick. It would have been comical if it hadn't have been so scary. It's times like these when living alone isn't always the best position to be in. So, I crawled back to my bed, head still spinning and still having cold sweats. I lay there for a while and the pain started to ease and I managed to get myself a drink of water. And then after about 10 minutes it was gone and I felt almost normal again. It really was very weird. I rang my mum, although I'm not quite sure why. It's not like she could do anything 350 miles away, and all I succeeded in doing was making her worry. I went back to sleep for a couple of hours then got up and made my way to the sofa where I stayed dozing on and off for the rest of the day. I woke up at about 8.30pm and realised I'd been asleep more than awake, and although I felt OK I followed the advice of the good people of Twitter and called NHS 24. They weren't an awful lot of help but didn't seem to think I was any sort of emergency, so I went to bed with nothing more than a big bruise on my knee and a sore spot on my head to show for it. I still don't know what the matter was, possibly trapped wind?! Who knew needing to fart could make you lose consciousness? That teamed with my naturally low blood pressure was enough it seems. Let's just hope it doesn't happen again any time soon!

And finally, on a more positive note, I went to Monday Ukearist in Edinburgh last night and it was a lot of fun. And as improving my ukulele playing is one of my TYSIC goals I feel I've taken another tiny step in the right direction. And on top of that, I only have to go into university three more times ever (and do another four weeks in school) and that is pretty bloody exciting!

I'm heading off on my Easter adventures on Thursday; it begins by seeing Derren Brown in Edinburgh on Thursday night before setting off on my drive which will take me to London, comedy, camping, comedy, wedding, the parental home, back to Scotland for a day or two, then a flight back to London and more comedy. I shall do my best to blog about some of the above, but I'm not making any promises! It's been another long one today so thanks for reading if you stuck with me. I really do appreciate it.

Dave Gorman - Sit down, Pedal, Pedal, Stop and Stand Up

2010-03-27T23:12:00.003Z

In the Autumn of 2009 Dave Gorman went on a bike ride taking in the southernmost, westernmost, northernmost and easternmost points of the UK. And on his way he did a stand up gig every night. The shows happened in everything from 2000 seat theatres to village halls and even in an old railway carriage. The show proved so popular that it was extended to include more towns and bigger venues...but logistically (and practically) there was no way Dave could still do the cycling part of the tour. As he pointed out at the show in Glasgow, Dave had been in Aberdeen the night before that, and at home in London the night before so you can kind of see his point! Apart from the title, the show has nothing to do with cycling anyway, so how Gorman gets to the gigs is largely irrelevant.

Dave Gorman started out as a stand-up comedian and did quite well at it for six or seven years, at which point he got a bit fed up and decided to try something new. And it was at this point in his career that he came up with the story-telling style of shows for which he really made his name - particularly with the hugely successful shows (and books) Are You Dave Gorman? and Googlewack Adventure. After touring the Googlewack show all over the world for three years, Dave decided to take a bit of a break from live performance. In 2007 he decided to drive across America without giving any money to 'The Man' - and produced a typically interesting, and funny documentary and book in the process. It was whilst doing book readings for America Unchained that Gorman once again got a taste for live performance and decided to return to his stand-up roots. And that's where we come in to the story.

On Thursday night, I was in the 1500 seat King's Theatre in Glasgow to see Dave Gorman's show in its latest incarnation. The show was a part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival, but as Dave pointed out to one fan on Twitter - when you are doing a 37 date tour, it doesn't make much difference if one show is part of a comedy festival. I'm a big fan of Dave's previous work, and I'd seen him do a book reading and Q&A as part of the 2009 Edinburgh International Book Festival. I'm also a regular listener to the Sunday morning radio show he presents on Absolute Radio with Martin White and Danielle Ward (the organisers of Karaoke Circus). However, I wasn't really sure what to expect from 'Dave Gorman - Stand-up Comedian'.

I needn't have worried. Although the show is more straight stand-up than his previous outings, and covers a whole range of material from his relationship with his Dad to unusual dealings with Royal Mail, Dave sticks to the story-telling style he is known for. The sell-out crowd really warmed to Mr Gorman and for what it's worth he seemed to be having a great time up on stage too. I was certainly entertained and was wiping away the tears at one point which is always a good sign. The show had its fair share of surprises too, and I would definitely recommend you catch it if you can to find out what they are!

Despite having to rush off after the show to catch the sleeper train back to London, Dave took the time to hang around after the show to meet those of the audience who hadn't been put off by having to queue outside on the freezing streets of Glasgow. He was very gracious and signed lots of books, DVDs and tickets for people (I suppose if people are paying full whack for merchandise on the night the least you can do is hang around and sign it for them!). I didn't have anything for Dave to sign but he did oblige by posing for photo with me, and I got a chance to tell him how much I'd enjoyed the show. And how much I'd enjoyed his performance of Blur's Song 2 at Karaoke Circus last year. Hopefully, I'll get to see more of this very funny man again before too long.

My life and me: A TYSIC update

2010-03-21T16:59:00.002Z

I'm feeling pretty happy today. I've finished my school placement for now (and I got a really good report), my assignment that's due in tomorrow is done, and I've only got a few bits and pieces of work to do. I was in university on Friday and it was good to hear everyone else's school experiences, and that I wasn't the only one who cried on my tutor after my assessed lesson! I can't believe how quickly this course is going. This time last year I hadn't even applied and now it feels like it's almost over. I've only got to go into university another six or seven times, go back to school for another four weeks (which is actually only two full weeks and two four day weeks), do one more assignment... and then that's it, I'm done. I know I still have to do my probationary year before I can really call myself a teacher, and that it'll be really hard work, but I'm starting to feel like I'm getting there. Which means I'm one step closer to achieving one of my TYSIC aims of moving to London and getting a teaching job there.

I still keep having moments when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and if teaching really is the job for me. And I worry that even having those thoughts means it's not. Because if it was definitely the right job for me, then I wouldn't have any doubts about it. But then I just think I have to stick with it and see what it's like in the real world, as opposed to this weird student version of teaching that I've experienced so far.

In other news, my weight is still moving in the right direction. I now have a BMI in the 'healthy' range, for the first time in ages, and I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn for years. The other night I through some old trousers and jeans away, that were falling apart anyway, but were also too big. It was also one of the steps towards changing my mindset and seeing this as a permanent change. Keeping 'fat' clothes means that you can easily go back to your old ways, because you'll still have something to wear. But by getting rid of them, I'll notice more quickly if my weight starts creeping back up. It's just a shame I can't afford a whole new wardrobe! Although I still want to lose a little bit more weight I can't really lose much more for the next three weeks, because I've now had my bridesmaid dress fitted (I had to have it taken in quite a lot...and it looks awesome!) and if I lose any more weight it'll end up being too big on Claire's wedding day, which is only on 10th April. That has come round really fast too, it doesn't seem long since Dave proposed. I'm really looking forward to the wedding, it's going to be a great day, and there's going to be some people there that I worked in France with 10 years ago and haven't seen since. As far as my TYSIC goes, I can't really work on maintaining my weight until I get down to the weight I want to be, but I am making some steps in the right direction. One of these is trying to re-train my brain into thinking about cakes and other 'treats' in a new way. It's easy not to eat the good stuff when I'm 'on a diet' but it's afterwards that things need to change. Yesterday, for instance, I went for a cup of tea with Claire after we'd been to try on our dresses again and the cafe had some really delicious looking cakes. In the olden days we would always have cake, or at least share a piece, but I need to train myself that I can go out and not have cake. And that's not to say I can never have cake again, but that I don't always have to have it. Or that I can have pizza or fish and chips if I want, but that it should be a once a month kind of meal, rather than every weekend. So there we go, I've still got a long road to travel but I feel like I know what I need to do this time.

And on top of all that I've got lots of comedy coming up, which is not only fun, but also means I get to see lots of my friends who I usually only get to talk to on the internet. And I'm spending Easter weekend with my Mum and Dad, sleeping in the awning of their caravan... which, odd as it might be to some people, I actually really enjoy. Plus I've not seen them since Christmas....and that was 23lbs ago.

Chris Addison - Glasgow Comedy Festival

2010-03-18T22:48:00.001Z

The Glasgow Comedy Festival runs from 11th to 28th March this year. It's certainly an event on a much smaller scale than its big brother in Edinburgh but that doesn't mean it hasn't attracted a lot of the big names - and I was delighted when I found out Chris Addison was one of those names. I first saw Chris live last year at Fat Tuesday (the lovely gig run by Tiernan Douieb in Islington) and I thought his brand of whimsical comedy was properly, tummy-hurtingly funny. I was lucky enough to catch Mr Addison's fantastic version of Pulp's Common People at Karaoke Circus late last year too (although inexplicably I don't seem to have blogged about it at the time) and then he was on the bill of both the Godless Christmas shows that I saw too. So having seen Chris live a few times, and being a big fan of The Thick of It and In The Loop I was very much looking forward to being entertained for a whole evening.

The show was at the Citizen's Theatre which is a lovely venue, despite being in a slightly unsalubrious area of Glasgow. When I'd eventually navigated my way there (why does Glasgow need so many one way streets?) I went to pick up my ticket from the box office and was pleasantly surprised to be reminded that I'd booked a front row seat. I did try and take a picture of the theatre auditorium - I was one of those theatres I love that are quite grand and ornate but ragged round the edges, and also it looks like it should be much bigger than it is - but I got immediately got jumped on by an usher. I can understand photography not being allowed during the show but taking a picture of the auditorium before the show starts?

Anyway, Mr Addison appeared on stage just after 8pm wearing one of his trademark flowery shirts and gave us a 40 minute first half filled with tales of his inadequacies; both as a teenager in a Manchester boys school, where he was relegated to playing a made up sport with the other 'broken' children as they weren't deemed capable of wielding a cricket bat, and more recently the humiliation of being asked to spot for weightlifters at his local council gym.

Addison's show covers everything from these sporting failures to accidentally buying sex toys, via sex tips for married couples taken from women's magazines. The second act took on a slightly more political bent, with references to the Catholic Church and the BNP, but not without taking time out to talk out the passive aggressive nature of the internet and why we shouldn't fear artificial intelligence. Chris also gave the Glasgow crowd a fair amount of local material which went down well with the audience - even when he went so far as to insult what is arguably Scotland's national sport, golf.

I wasn't disappointed by the evening - my tummy was suitably hurty when Chris returned to the stage at the end of the show, not for a traditional encore, but to see if the audience had any questions to ask him. Unfortunately, this prompted a cunt (I'm only quoting Chris here!) on about the third row of the stalls shouting as if he was competing in a town crier competition to share the highly intelligent comment 'I thought I was coming to see Peter Capaldi' - that isn't even a fucking question! Chris swiftly shot him down, and the girl sat with him who felt the need to contribute with 'do you want a jam doughnut?'. Seriously, some people shouldn't be allowed out of day care. After the children had decided to pipe down somebody managed to ask as sensible and interesting question - inquiring who Chris thought was going to win the election. Someone asked if he remembered his first gig (at the Frog & Bucket in Manchester if you're interested), and I asked whether he saw himself more as an actor or a comedian, which is a bit of a rubbish question but the audience weren't coming up with much and I wanted to say something. The answer is 'whichever one I'm not doing at the time' - or more seriously, as a comedian because he's been doing it for 15 years, and only acting for a little bit of that. The last question of the evening was, not necessarily a great question but provided a great response. Someone asked what was Chris' favourite Malcolm Tucker line from The Thick of It or In the Loop. The answer was something that never actually made it to the screen but it was 'Tucker's Law'. And so I'll end as the wonderful Mr Addison did last night... with this:

Shhh, it's a secret

2010-03-12T13:07:00.000Z

Last night I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep and I started thinking about secrets. I have quite a lot of secrets it turns out, when I think about it. Some of them are only secret to some people; like not telling my mum, or my best friend Claire how I've been losing weight. Is it still a secret if I've written about it in this blog? (as an aside, at the time of writing I've now lost 22lbs since New Year - and and I'm the lightest I've been probably for the last 12 years, I'm feeling happy but still have a little way to go).

Anyway, back to the secrets; I have some secrets that I've never told anyone and probably never will, some secrets I'd like to tell someone but the consequences of doing that wouldn't just affect me, so I don't feel that I can. And some secrets I've kept for such a long time that it doesn't seem worth telling anyone now.

It all got me wondering, am I typical in the number and type of secrets I have? I do tell my mum a lot of things, and I tell Claire a lot. And I'm very happy to have met a lot of my new virtual friends who I can talk to about things that I think my mum or Claire wouldn't necessarily understand. But I don't have anyone who I would tell 'everything' to. I know a lot of people with boy/girlfriends or husbands/wives say 'oh, but we tell each other everything'. But I wonder if that is actually true of anyone? I think we all probably need some things that no-one else knows, everybody needs a little bit of them which is just theirs. But like everything in life there has to be a balance somewhere, and keeping everything to yourself can't be a good thing either. And then there's that feeling you get if you find out someone has been keeping a secret from you, or if lots of people knew about something you didn't. So we not only have to think about the consequences of keeping a secret, but also the effect it might have on others if we keep them in the dark.

I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest - I just thought it was quite interesting, and wondered if anyone else who reads this had any thoughts on the matter, or if it was something you'd never given any thought to? So, errrm, yeah. I'll leave that with you.

Mark Watson's Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenge

2010-03-06T21:20:00.000Z

As I mentioned in the last post, comedian Mark Watson has set himself a Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenge (TYSIC) and invited others to join him. Mark's challenge is to write a blog every day for the next ten years (!) and, due to recently turning thirty and the birth of his son, he has set himself the challenge of being more optimistic about life. You can read more about Mark's own goals here.

I decided this was all a very good idea, and seeing as I was sort of setting my own goals (as previously discussed - particularly to do with my weight), it seemed like a good idea to join in. The TYSIC was to officially begin on 4th March so the day before I posted a comment on Mark's blog with my goals for the next ten years. This is what I came up with...

Firstly, I’ve recently lost a quite a bit of weight and I have a little more to go to get into a healthy weight range for my height. Once I’ve reached this weight my aim is to stay there or thereabouts for the next ten years (well, indefinitely really) rather than the dramatic yo-yo-ing of the last 10 years.

The second goal is probably easier to achieve and that is to spend at least a month in Australia and New Zealand (with the possibility of emigrating – but I don’t definitely want to do that so no point setting it as a goal).

The third – which I’m actually fairly certain will happen in the next two years is to become a fully qualified and registered teacher…and move to London.

And finally (I know, I don’t ask much do I?) is carry on playing the ukulele, which I’ve been doing for about 6 months now, get better at it and actually learn to write my own songs on it.

So there we are - I reckon there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to achieve these goals in the next ten years (by which time I'll be 41!). I'm also sure that the first one will prove the most difficult. But Mark asked that everyone try and make a small step towards their goals in the first week and I think I have done that. As I have just blogged, yesterday I passed my second assessed lesson which takes me one step closer to being a fully qualified teacher and goal number two. But more importantly for me, after a shitty day of tears and emotion I didn't try and find comfort in either food or alcohol and that is a very important step towards achieving goal number one.

I'll be updating on my progress here, but also, Linzy, the brains behind Tim Minchin's fan forum, Angry (Feet) (along with fellow Watson fan, Misha) has set Mark up with a fan site of his own. The site contains a forum and will shortly have a section where participants in the TYSIC can record their goals and progress so I'll be doing that too when it's up and running. Maybe I'll see you there?

It's been a hell of a week (Or, 'Those who can't, teach')

2010-03-06T15:47:00.000Z

Last weekend was Claire's hen weekend (the one, as bridesmaid, I've been co-organising for the last 6 months). Once we eventually got there after battling through the snow, we had a fantastic time. We had spent nearly £500 on booze and food and between the 17 of us there we managed to work our way through most of it. I did pretty well myself, especially as you may remember I've only had a drink twice since New Year in my ongoing efforts to lose weight. After staying up until 4am on both nights I was feeling fairly rotten when I got home on Sunday afternoon. I sensibly decided a two and a half hour nap would help, but all it really succeeded in doing was making sure I had to go to the supermarket at 8.30pm, as I realised I had no food for my lunch the next day. This was then followed by lesson planning until nearly midnight, a crap night's sleep and feeling like death on Monday at school. Brilliant. It was worth it for the great weekend with great company though. And the house we stayed in was amazing - I knew it was going to be big but it was massive! Just look at the 'drawing room'...

After the weekend I never really caught up on my sleep all week and school was a bit of a struggle. I did have some good lessons this week though and I was feeling quite good about the whole thing. My thoughts on teaching are still all over the place really. I think I'm enjoying it but I still can't quite work out if I've done the right thing. I just keep thinking that although I know my probationary year next year will be hard and I'll have a lot of work, at least I'll be teaching my own classes and hopefully that will make discipline easier - at least I won't have to deal with the 'who are you miss?', 'where's our normal teacher miss?' 'when are we getting Mrs/Mr Whoever back miss?'... Anyway, yesterday I had my second assessed lesson of my course. In order to pass the course we have to pass three lessons assessed by our university tutors, receive three satisfactory reports from our school placements and pass three assignments. So this was the second time I had a visit from one of the university tutors. The visit I'd had in my first placement had gone quite well and I'd looked back over the feedback I'd got on things I'd been told needed improvement. I had another first year class this time, which in theory should have made things easier. I thought I had a pretty decent plan, apart from that I'd included a game that the usual class teacher had suggested. I wasn't really sure about doing it but it's quite difficult to turn down advice with offending the established teacher. So I went with it. The lesson didn't go too badly I thought. I rushed through some things in order to try and make sure I could fit everything in, but with the consequence that I had finished everything I planned to do with about 10 minutes to go until the bell. I managed to pull a few things out of my head to fill the time and I thought it had gone OK.

After the bell went my tutor came up to me to say I'd passed and so I could breath a sigh of relief but then we had to sit down to go over the feedback. There was quite a bit of positive stuff and I got a merit for my planning and preparation of resources...but when it came to discussing my 'areas for development' I was criticised for the balance of my lesson and, here's the best bit, that there were too many 'games'. I knew I shouldn't have followed advice that didn't feel like the right thing to do. But I couldn't say 'it wasn't my idea!' That would just have sounded like an excuse, and if I wasn't my idea and I didn't agree with it then why did I go ahead and do it? Then he started going on about my classroom management which is an area I know I have to work on anyway. By this point I could feel that quivering bottom lip and shaking in your chest that you get when you know you're about to cry. I really struggled to hold back the tears but when my tutor repeated my failing for the the third time I crumbled. I felt ridiculous for crying and although I was a bit upset at what I was being told it was much just a release of stress and adrenaline, and being annoyed at myself for not following my own instincts in the first place. I'm sure I'm not the first person to cry, imagine what the people who fail are like?! Anyway, I passed, I have things to work on and I should be pleased with that. But then I had the horrible third years for the last period of the day. They are a quite low ability set and really have no interest in learning French at the best of times, let alone last thing on a Friday afternoon. And they just won't stop talking! I wasn't doing too badly with them but then the class teacher came in and just started judging me - it really wasn't the day for it and fighting back the tears again I virtually ran out of school when the bell went without speaking to anyone.

I'm much calmer now and grateful for the support and sensible words from all my friends on Twitter. (After my tutor left I went for a walk in the park next to school to try and calm down and try and make my face look normal again - and vented my woes on Twitter, with immediate response. Seriously, I don't know what we did before the instant responses from Twitter - whether they be congratulations, commiserations or advice). I also had a good chat with one of the other students on my course who lives near by. She had her assessed lesson yesterday too and despite getting the same grades as me, she was disappointed with how she'd done too. It's good to know someone else is in the same boat as you.

Anyway, it's over and done with now. I only have another nine teaching days to go (although that means I've only got just over two weeks until my next 3500 word assignment is due in and I haven't started yet.) I'm seeing the lovely Tiernan Douieb at the Glasgow Comedy Festival next weekend, then Chris Addison and Dave Gorman in the two weeks after that. Then it's the Easter holidays. I'm seeing Derren Brown, then going to An Event Of Some Kind (where one of my favourite bands, 6 Day Riot, are playing, and Tim Minchin is on the bill playing to a room of 40 people which will be pretty awesome). Then I've got Easter weekend in the caravan with my Mum and Dad, and the weekend after it's actually Claire's wedding and I get to do my bridesmaid bit! (Oh, and the weekend after that I'm back in London to see Michael Legge and Andrew Collins do their Edinburgh work in progress shows). Phew...that's quite a lot to look forward to in the next month. And it's definitely going to get me through the next two weeks of teaching.

In other news, I've pledged (is that the right word?) to join in Mark Watson's Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenge, but I think that deserves an entry of its own; so more on that later.

And finally - here's a couple of photos from the hen weekend. One of Claire, in all her finery with me and Tara; the other bridesmaid, and one of me partaking in the 'Cheesy Ball Challenge' which involved seeing how many cheesy balls (the Asda version of Wotsits) you could fit in your mouth! I think I managed 18 in the end but I wasn't the eventual winner!

Plastic Jesus

2010-02-20T20:11:00.002Z

I played (and heard) this song for the first time at Monday Ukearist this week. It turns out it's been covered by all sorts of people; The Flaming Lips, Billy Idol, Jack Johnson and The Levellers to name a few. Paul Newman famously plays Plastic Jesus on the banjo in the film Cool Hand Luke (which I have never seen - I think I should fix that).

It's one of those folk songs that has hundreds of alternative verses (I added one of them at the end) but I think this is basically the original version. It's the first song I've actually managed to play without having to look at the chords too, so that's a bit of an achievement.

I hope you like - as usual, if you do then please do go and rate it on YouTube. Thanks dudes!

Monday Ukearist and a Bloggiversary

2010-02-16T19:16:00.000Z

I published my first blog entry on 15th February 2009. I can't believe a year has gone by since then. And just how much my life has changed. Last February I was still working at the Bank of Scotland and I hadn't even seriously considered applying for teacher training. I'd only been on Twitter a month and I'd never met or spoken to half the people I now count as friends. This time next year, I'll be 6 months into my year as a probationer teacher and possibly planning a move to London. I certainly hope I'll still be blogging - I've really enjoyed it this year, and have often been amazed just how many people read my ramblings! In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for reading - whether this is your first visit, or you've been with me since the beginning, I hope you stick with me.

In other news, you may remember way back in November I found out about a ukulele group that meets in Edinburgh called Monday Ukearist. I said I was going to go but with one thing and another I never quite made it. But yesterday, I managed to get my lesson planning done in my free periods at school and I finally made it over to Edinburgh. There were about seven other people there (although John, who organises the group, couldn't make it), and we spent a good couple of hours playing various songs on our ukes. Some of the songs I'd played before and some were new but I managed to keep up so I was pretty pleased with that. It turned out one of the other girls there lives in Dunfermline too so I ended up giving her a lift home at the end of the night. I had a lot of fun, it was nice to meet some more ukulele-playing people and they all seemed lovely. I hope I don't get too swamped at school and I can make it to the next Ukearist in two weeks - I'm hoping it will help me improve some more; and then maybe I'll treat you good people to some more delightful YouTube videos!

And finally, while we're catching up; my second school placement is going well. I did my first teaching yesterday and today and it all went well (as far as first lessons ever do anyway). This school has more resources than my last one, including new-fangled interactive whiteboards in every classroom which is pretty cool. It's a bigger school, which means more kids and more teachers in the department - which seems to translate into less pressure on me and that can never be a bad thing.

So there we are, a year of blogging and all is well in my world.

This Be The Verse - Philip Larkin

2010-02-11T16:08:00.002Z

Writing yesterday's blog reminded me of this poem by Philip Larkin, which I love. I hope you do to.

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

 They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
  They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
  And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
  By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
  And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
  It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
  And don't have any kids yourself.